The Internets First Ever Starting Quarterback 

My arm is way better than Patrick Mahomes. I threw this pass like a softball pitcher in the college world series, underhanded back-peddling. I invented Patrick Mahomes.

Quarterback LessonS

​QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you about angles. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lesson in McKinney in Dallas. You got to take a better angle man. They say a person who is hot both sides of their face are symmetrical. The smile on the right matches the smile on the left. Not like the face of James Woods twitter profile picture. How the fuck did he get so re-famous? He is like a soda can recycled into a David Yurman ring. All these celebrities are quitting acting, and just getting a new kind of career on twitter as political commentators. You think James Woods never even wanted to be in Casino, he just wanted to be Tucker Carlson his whole life but isn't hot enough. He always looks like he knows what his fingers smell like, and you don't yet. Hint, its not a pimento cheese sandwich. He wants to be a FOX News host. But they won't hire him. All he does is sit at his laptop, blowing lines of cocaine. Every tweet snaps like a lighting strike in a thunderstorm. SNNNFFFFFF! Boom Pow! Lighting strike tweet-- "I rescued a dog during James Woods Campfire, and I can rescue yours too - for the sake of humanity regardless of our political differences. I swear I want to help. Trust me Alyssa Milano #WoodsCampFire" Everyone retweet. Good one James. Now again. Another one. Again. Hit it. Boom Pow!!! "Hillary should be in jail for being a bitch." Hell yeah! Just has fucking Fleetwood mac playing on his living room surround sound bose system. Fleetwood Mac- Dreams. Now there you go again you say you want your freedom. His dog locked in a spare room on accident from chasing his ball in there, the door shut and locked. He has been barking for 3 hours and James won't stop tweeting to get up and let the dog out of the room. He is so concentrated on cocaine and tweeting. Google Hunter S. Thompsons schedule. Yeah go to your shitty job at Enterprise Rental Car System for $40K a year. Hunter S. Thompson is having the time of his life.  Fuck I guarantee that shit. He wanted to be on Fox bad. But  James couldn't. He was like, man my face isn't symmetrical so I am going to take this role as a pimp in Casino instead. Tucker Carlson. How many arguments a day do you think Tucker Carlson gets into by the coffee maker at work? I had to stop watching him and I am as alt-right Hannity as you get. Tucker just wants to fight. Hey man you catch that Dolphins game? You say to him with a generous smile of inclusion. Yeah you mean their lack of self awareness on so many issues. They put Gronk in the backfield. Another egotistical coach with a self serving mantra of using outside-the-box thinking to spoon feed the mouths of adoring fans coddled by his pretentious victories, and persistent tyranny used as heartfelt folklore. Imagine him running our country.  Maybe he should let his players tweet every once in a while. I guess he did let Tom Brady onto Instagram with an NDA signed first. You just stare at Tucker. All you wanted him to say was yeah it was a great game man, how is coaching soccer going. You win? I hate the iPhone and Twitter. Its like constantly getting written up at work but by random people. Judy, please make sure we have no more manual check requests. Fuck you Rick - writes your ass up. But I am your boss Judy. Verticals don't matter around here you cock sucker. Twitter is like if you take your human resources department, but instead of separating the employees to get their sides individually. You just bring them all in the office at once. Your phone contacts can yell at you. And Go! Blows a referee whistle. Instead of horses racing, its just peoples hands writing to the quarter leg. Angles. That is why I fucking delete people on the regular from my phone contacts. Just like why are there are so many opportunities to become friends with people. Friends aren't groceries at the store. Jim looks like an egg. Brenda has an apple booty. Kevin smells like Bacon.  Like why can't I just have 1-2 friends, and then my family. And I just talk to only them. Why does my life has to be a rivals.com message board? Spencer Rattler for Heisman, or future snake handler at Pets Mart.  How did we let so many people into our lives for no reason. The IPHONE tells you how much social media time you spend. I averaged like an hour or so a day just starting at my fucking phone screen. at #QANON pictures on twitter and Instagram. For no reason. WTF is Adrenachrome. Omg I am so over it. Anyways -- I did the math, and it was like 14 entire days a year of me just staring at servers and bartenders in lingerie on my iPhone. 14 whole days of tweeting, Instagram, tumblr and more. Dear god. x 25 years. Almost 350 plus days on social media. 1 whole year just me staring at my phone screen. Fucking bullshit. I am getting a flip phone. All about the angles man. Like Pat Mahomes the other day with the Boston Celctics no look pass across the middle. This isn't new to people who have played the game before. I use to do these lessons with Steve Deberg. About $250/Hour for Steve Deberg. Yes the one whose boat sank about 2 years ago and he had to swim back home about a mile. Thank god it was the summer. But it was a lake so I am sure there were alligators. He actually stays in great shape. He jogs about 5 miles a day with a basketball bouncing. Says its the key to an elastic and loaded elbow. Most folks don't know this. But throwing a football is all about your elbow coming forward, and being able to take your hand all the back to almost a 90 degree even angle to it. Its really hard, and more folks should stretch their shoulder sockets to be able to have this ability. See Jeff George. But the more flexible your shoulder socket and wrist. The more angles you can throw from and still achieve power. Imagine like in midevil times and they have to those mortar cannon things they had to spring back huge boulders, cut the rope, and it shot the rock all the way into the castle, beyond the moat, and heavy tall doors, with the shitty henchman hiding behind. That is Brett Favre's throwing motion. The ball goes so far back behind his head he feels it touch the bottom on his right shoulder blade. Then fires that son of a bitch like a Mike Tyson punch. Never above the top of his ear. Literally almost a full 180 degrees. Like a goosebumps book page flipping from reading to next page. That is his throwing motion. But Steve was great man, would drink a beer on the couch with you. Win or lose Stevie must booze he would say to me, and he had a fucking smoking hot Hooters waitress calender girl as his wife. Anyways -- he told me all about peripheral throwing. Basically you always look forward, and throw out of the corners of your eyes. Never actually seeing the target. So don't look at your receiver like the Tiger from Jungle Book stares at the man cub. Instead look at your receivers like when you are at the gym doing the lat machine, pulling down 120 lbs. Just enough to burn, and you are staring at the phat ass of that girl doing some obnoxious and unnecessary leg workout with dumbells. Part of you is turned on, but the other part of you is like why the fuck is she working out like Demi Moore in GI Jane. I remember one time being at Nebraska and I was doing power cleans. And I am strong as fuck. I had 225 on my warm upset. I left to go grab some water. I came back and this fucking giraffe from the women's volleyball team was repping out the 225 I had on the bar. I pretended it wasn't mine, and just got there and put new weights on a different bar. Power cleans suck. They tear your shins up. You know how you are bored on a nature trail and just want to play with something in your hands. So you rip a leaf off, or a piece of tree bark. And just walking and crumbled it down, and toss it after about 100 yards. That is the metal power clean bar just ripping skin on your shin. Don't worry man the bar will get disinfected. There isn't blood from every player on the team on the bar. Right. Yeah there is. Fucking gross. Hey man I have great calve muscles. Clutch. Angles man. the quarterbacks are not supposed to look at the receiver. Keep their eyes down the field, and throw to the receiver with your peripheral. You won't get picked off, and your accuracy actually goes up. Anyways-- Pat Mahomes was a little more exaggerated, but Aaron Rodgers always talks about it. Its called Eye Control. Why the fuck do you think when they make scuba masks they give you that little side square for your face. Because you can roll your eyes like the geico gecko and see like the Plano setting on your iPhone where you take that one really long picture of the beach in Clearwater. Man beautiful here. Lots of babes, sun, ocean, sand box toys, shells, towels, blankets, all my cousins, me, fucking everyone man in that one picture. Great picture! Angles. What is your angle? Trying to get a promotion at work. What is your angle? I am great a pivot tables man. I am great at smiling. I am great at ensuring whenever I go to the break room and the coffee is low, I know to make more for others. Your life needs an angle. Kurt Angle won the Olympics, then become a WWF Superstar. I refuse to say WWE. I use to canoe all the time. I lived in Florida and had these islands behind my house. And I would take a riding lawn mower, and drag the canoe all the way down to the beach. Get it in with my friend, and canoe out to the islands. He would sit in the back steer. I would sit in the front and use my oar for speed. The angle of the oar is key. He would angle the oar right, and not tell me. I would speed left, and the canoe turn too fast, and we wouldn't go anywhere. Just in a circle. Man our angles didn't match. We didn't communicate. But then out of nowhere. His angle and my angle become one angle. And the canoe went straight. And fast. We began anticipating each others angles, the wind, the sea. We became a machine. We got to the island on time. We built a little fort. We walked the island looking for crazy clues to an ancient world. We built a ONE WORLD ANGLE. Do you think that when we die we become angels or angles. I don't know, and either does Microsoft Word. That is why it never shows up on spell check. Because then the spell check doesn't understand the intent of my angle. Hey I didn't mean that. It doesn't know. It doesn't care. And that is the problem. Most folks aren't taking the right angle. They are sprinting through life in a 200 meter dash, get to the curve, and don't lean in. The learning curve slows them down. Instead of a 100 meter dash with no angles. The 200 meter dash is like when you are deciding whether to buy a new grill of not. Maybe next paycheck. This paycheck is the rent & car payment pay check. The 100 meter dash doesn't have any angles. Just run forward fast. That is the get me 5 lemon drops in Las Vegas for $89 dollars angle. I am getting drunk tonight- right? And I am no angel. Let me tell you. See what I did there. Hey look -- playing quarterback is all about angles. Bend your knees, flexible legs and quads. Nice stretched flexible shoulders. Go ahead and take your grandpas walking stick Hold it at both ends. Bring it above your head and rotate it all the way backwards down to your lower back. Can your thumbs, and hands rotate inward, and your elbows, and your arms rotate inward and outward? If not you are a piece of shit who will never make it to the Elite 11 like me. No matter how many videos you post of yourself doing pocket movement drills. These kids act like the fucking pocket is an embassy suites business class hotel room. They can throw from the living room, the bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom. Anywhere they want. Just walk around in your boxer briefs on the phone with your mom and throw whenever the fuck you want. Yeah mom, they are gonna start me this game. Coach said. The pocket is huge. Go ahead put squawk box on, Cramer, check the news, take your time man. Throw whenever. Your first meeting isn't until 10am. Take your time. Wake up, get a pointless skull crusher workout in, run on the treadmill and make your knees worse, go get breakfast, get a bunch of pancakes, 6 cups of milk apple juice and coffee, shitty pre-made eggs, and horse meat stiff fucking plastic ruler bacon, load up on the maple syrup. And scarf it down while you read James Woods tweets man. Take your fucking time, and then throw it. Fuck these pocket drills on instragram and twitter. I swear to god if I see Trent Dilfer like one more high school kids tweets, and comment on his secret sauce. That kid will never be Harrison Beck. The greatest quarterback in the history of the earth. The social system. The planetary system. Mars, galaxies far and beyond. Hey look-- all you have to do is say it decisively, divisive shit like that, in a WWF voice. Post it on twitter, and youll get 10,000 views in 24 hours to your twitter feed, your website. Right man. Right. Hell yeah. Give me a hell yeah. That's my fucking angle. You fuck. Try finding a good faith jury in a small town who hasn't heard of Donald Trump. This guy is the fucking Walmart of Humans. Maybe we will subcontract his jury selection to China too. 

Watch this throwing motion of Jeff George