Quarterback LessonS

The Internets First Ever Starting Quarterback 

​QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you about character. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lessons in McKinney in Dallas. I have a theory that the best actors are a blank canvas. They are nothing. Zero. Just the color grey. They get a script, and Thursday Night football color rush happens. All the life comes alive. Why am I wearing a lime colored T-Shirt? You hear the birds in the trees. I use to have a Lake Home in Ocala, Florida and you could hear the alligators barking at night. You never saw them during the boring old day. But at night they would slide out of the stump knockers, and start barking like mad dogs. Bark! Mom is that an alligator. Yes son. Don't go outside when you live near a lake at night. All the creatures come out. All the snakes, the mosquitoes, the moths. That is an actor with a script. Waiting for the words to bring them to life. Oh man this movie I get to be a Pirate of the Carribean for the year. Every day in costume and character. What is my inspiration for this role -- Keith Richards. Reads the Keith Richards book, learns to play the guitar, starts dabbling in experimental drugs. Did you know in the 70's that the Rolling Stones sent a car to the United States, all of their drugs hidden in the panels. Lost the vehicle on tour. Someone in America is driving this Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas sedan around town and has no clue they are on episode of Drugs Incorporated. I am Keith Richards live at Wimbledon Depp says. All in the name of the role man. Executives are like does Johnny know this is a Disney movie. Trust my vision or I am out.  What is my next role? Bourne Identity. Matt Damon spends 6 months becoming a Master at Judo, and firing a weapon. Downloads right into his mind & soul like Keanu hooked up to the Matrix. At first he cannot beat Morpheus, but by the 3rd or 4th download and practice he can at least comprehend fighting back. Morpheus says Touche my lord. Bows. Damon could be a real CIA agent like Woody Harrelson's dad. You know Keanu Reeves once was quoted saying the Matrix was a documentary. WTF Elon.  I bet Matt Damon in real life wears a turtleneck sweater and loafers, with decent jeans, gets a cup of coffee and reads 48 laws of power on a room in house that has no television sets. Just a chair, with a table and a lamp and one of his favorite pieces of art on the wall. Pure silence. His girlfriend knows to never say a god damn word to him when he is in this room meditating with Jack from Twitter in Mynamar. Master of concentration. Just him and this room. Boring. Waiting for Fed Ex to drop off his next script. Something to bring him to life. He needs these words. He needs this character. Without it he is just a janitor doing math after hours in a Harvard Professors office. Him and his mop waiting for a chance to show what he has got. I was disappointed watching the Heisman trophy ceremony. I felt like Tua tried to trick me with his red suit. My mom always said to never buy a red car because the cops pull people in red cars over for speeding more. Its too flashy. Get a neutral or natural color like green so it blends in with the neighborhood. You are just another car named Tahoe. Don't call me a hoe as she posts a picture of her serving drinks in Lingerie at lunchtime on a Tuesday says the Instagram model. But Tua there he was sitting there in his flashy red suit. Man this guy has some serious style man. Red suit. Big dumb Micheal Jordan ball park frank hoop hot dog earrings. In both of his ears. He is not from Hawaii, he is from a Brooklyn Basketball court. He plays for the Alabama Globe Trotters. He is dressed like he is courtside for the And 1 mixtape. Same court Lamar Odom took Khloe Kardashian too. This is where we grew up playing basketball all day. Should we make a donation she wonders. Get me the fuck out of here. Its surrounded by gun stores, liquor stores, and T Mobiles. But then the globalist European Heisman chairman walked out. I can't pronounce his name. He can't pronounce Tua's name. Wasn't the first guy to reach America named Christopher Columbus?  Like why isn't Joe Montana the chairman of the Heisman foundation. Why does the head of the council of foreign relations also part time CEO the Heisman I wondered. Tua looks up all the way from his island in Hawaii. Ready to win this trophy man. A little tear in his eye. Like when he was a boy and he used to talk to Moana the ocean friend spirit as a boy. If you build it they will come he hears from the conch shell he just picked up off the beach to move so he could have some space for agilities in the sand. When him and Johnny Tsunami would surf together before he had to move to Vermont to start school for his dad's new job. Honestly the greatest QB to ever come from Hawaii is Colt Brennan. He even dyed Hawaii into his platinum blonde Lady Gaga hair that one season. His coach June Jones even called him and Johnny Manziel one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever live that season after throwing for 55 touchdowns after getting kicked out of Colorado for breaking into a girl from the clubs room and jerking off on accident. He was a backup to Matt Leinhart at Mater Dei. Google this shit.  Too bad June Jones couldn't predict at SMU that Bo Levi Mitchell would be a 2x CFL MVP. Right. Now we have Marcus Mariotas mustache and Tua. From the islands man. Here for the Hawaiian Heisman. Honor integrity respect. So much respect for Hawaii they forgot to attend their states college. Hawaiis not good enough for me they said. Lets go to Oregon and Alabama. Did Tua ever read To Kill A Mocking Bird? There is no surfing in that book. No beach or sand. One time I was at USC and Coach Ogeron comes out to Heritage Hall with a Tonga Sheet on, and a big gong. He starts beating the gong. He reaches back too far and breaks the glass case of the replica OJ Simpson Heisman Trophy. Didn't even stop beating the drum. We would doing all kinds of Howlie mating rituals right there in Heritage Hall. Pumped Up man. Hawaii. Tua. Who I believe this Heisman ceremony and his SEC title game will be so devastating to his career?- that he will get benched in the SEC championship by Saban for not having that spark. That Tiki Torch flicker in his eye. That he will become so embarrassed. His watering eyes from failing to win the Heisman. That he will leave Alabama. The disrespect to him and his family. That college gameday special. His dad wanted to take his belt to Holly Rowe or Tom Rinaldi so bad. Have you ever seen Holly Rowes twitter? All she is does is find out where her favorite team is staying, and she takes the elevator to the 5th floor and wanders the hallway looking for Jake Fromm. Jake, Jake-- come here Chris Evans from Captain America- uncomfortablely rectangle head. If you lay your child down too long in the crib as a boy, then the back of their head gets flat. No one lays down more than Amber Heard. Come Here Jake. Lets do an Instagram video together with me smiling. I just put on my Bobby Brown makeup, and if you smile in this video with me then it will look like ESPN and I are so much fun, and maybe you too. You know-- you're relaxed for the big game. That's what all this means. It will benefit you. Kirby Smart is like god dammit when he opens his twitter to tweet at a recruit. Dilfer got to him first. At the next team meeting Kirby is like - I catch one of you mother fuckers making tweets with Holly Rowe again when you are supposed to be in your rooms renting Avengers Infinity War. To see the struggle and the lengths that Thanos will collect his infinity stones. That is us and our team chasing that National Title. We are Thanos. We need our rings. Every one take your shirts off, and start pounding your chest and screaming. RAWRRRR!!!! For real at USC Lane Kiffin walked into the team meeting. They do this shit. They make everyone take their shirts off and get fired up like we are a bunch of politicians liquored up at Bohemian Grove, and Alex Jones is filming us for his defunct You Tube account. Man that guy lost everything. Dude Alex Jones getting deleted. I don't even like him that much. But I appreciate the effort. He is like a Walmart for conspiracy theorists. And I appreciate that he is smart enough to build that. Gets blocked. 60 percent of his business collapsed. People think Russia is a dictatorship. The world is on the internet now. And the person who owns the most real estate on the web. Rules the world. Even if you do offer Putin a $50 million dollar penthouse and he claims on his IRS form he only owns a $150K apartment downtown. Putin is nothing compared to a real dictator. Tim Cook of Apple. Mark of Facebook. Shut your business off like a light switch deleted. Your entire life. Gone. People think the devil is a person. It's the internet. And it just downloaded your entire soul. And you can never get it back again. Beat those chests son. Infinity WAR!!! Great great movie man. When the characters disappear like a handful of sand in the air. Hey you got some in my eye. WTF bro. Get me some fucking water man. Hurry a water bottle. Holds it over eye. Looks up with bloodshot eyes. Fuck its Holley Rowe. She is going to tweet we were high with sources. Look there is Tua. Sitting there losing the Heisman trophy in his Ferrari suit. Just taking that dick on national TV. He looks up and claps slowly. Breathing calmly. Watching from his backstage dressing room. The crowd sees him and screams. The rock looks up from the mic. The glass breaks. Stone Cold comes running down the aisle in a black vest that says Austin 3:16 on it, a knee brace, and some jean shorts cut at the knees. He has a steel Heisman ceremony trophy chair in his hand. Triple H runs down to meet him. Chair to the face. Out. The ref runs down to stop him in his Billy Sims Oklahoma suit. Chair the head. Out. He gets all the way to the ring. Gets on stage. Kyler is just staring at him. Tua stares back. Holy fuck this is going viral on twitter and Instagram. Highest ratings ever for ESPN in the history of Sports Nation. The Rock can't believe his eyes. He takes his Ray Bans off. Vince McMahon screams at his secretary. Get Tua's fucking number now. Calls him 20x and leaves a voicemail. Watching live from his office at home. Wants to get in on this promotion and Tua like he did with Rhonda Rousey and eventually Serena Williams. All athletes are heading to the WWF so they can be athletic and their true self at the same time. You can't wear a MAGA hat after an NFL game. Well you could if I was your starting quarterback. Its the Heisman ceremony gone awry.  Kyler Murray stuttering through his speech. The Rock goes from doing his monologue in a Razor Ramone silk club shirt to now face to face with fear. Stone Cold. Tua. A savage salivating from the mouth. Beer foam on his goatee. The stage is set. Its wrestlemania 2018 or the oval office. Snatches that god damn Heisman out of Kyler's hands. That is his heavyweight championship belt. Stone Cold grapples the Rock. I am the WWF champion. Kyler swings back at Tua.  Tua throws Kyler into Doug Flutie. Kyler gathers himself and turns back around. The rock flips Stone Cold into the corner pocket ropes. Tua knocks the Israel presenter guy off stage. He hits his chest and loses his breath. Kyler has got his ass right where he wants him. I earned this belt.  The rock grabs stone cold again and throws him into the ropes. This is my Heisman. Tua catches himself on Danny Wueferral's bible he is holding. Nick Saban is looking up at the stage like what the fuck is going on. The 400 question test I made Tua take during his recruiting trip didn't tell me he was going to go nuts. Jim Fassell of the Giants use to make all his potential players pass 400 question personality exams. Do you like cats or dogs? Dogs you fucking clown. Wiener dogs. They snuggle great under the sheets, and feel nice and warm. And are great friends. Kind of think they are too classy for you, but treat you with respect. Also like beer more than Kerry Collins. Tua wipes the blood of his mouth like Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber during the restaurant scene where he fights the waiter who kisses Mary Swansons arm. Remember those Swanson ice cream trucks that used to deliver ice cream to your house as kids. Beige yellow like an actual ice cream tub in the frozen section at the Super Market. But on wheels. Kyler and Tua stare at each other. Saban screams at the stage. Tua what the fuck are you doing. Kyler looks over. Then quickly back at Tua. Tua kicks him in the stomach. Flicks him off. Stone Cold Stunner. Stone Cold Stunner. Tua stuns Kyler Murray. Kyler rolls off the stage onto the floor in front of Dwayne Haskins. Tua looks out to his dad. His dad opens a lunchbox and throws him four budweisers. Wet ass hands. No clue how he catches all of them. Maybe Stone Cold, Maybe Tua should have won the Heisman Trophy. He picks the Heisman up, and holds it out to the crowd. He walks up to the Mic. You listen right here. Right now. The crowd cheers What! I am. What! The Greatest. What! Quarterback. What! To ever fucking live. RAWRRRRRR!! Holly Rowe deletes a text from Jake From. Holly, where the fuck are you. Auto texts I cant answer the phone right now, and runs over with her I Phone set to video. So Tua tell me about how it feels to win the Heisman? Dwayne Haskins looks around for Urban Meyer. He didn't show like Austin Powers dad. Watch the Gawker Lawsuit by Hulk Hogan on Netflix. The courts ruled that you cannot be held liable for things you do while entertaining in character. So none of this will matter. Like my favorite new character Individual- 1. He fed # 2 to the sharks with friggin laser beamers on their heads.