Quarterback LessonS

The Internets First Ever Starting Quarterback 

​QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you all about the moon. Trust the Quarterback Coach in Mckinney. Listen to the Quarterback Lessons in Mckinney being taught here. We landed on the moon. First time in 1966. In 2018 we are still landing your cousin Josh's fucking polaris you take out to Oklahoma over Christmas Break and ride trails with. Crash into that tree man. Crash into it. Its fucking fun. Man. Its fucking great, run over those branches. Yeah flip this mother fucker. Flip it. Yeah with all of us in it. The whole fucking family. Make sure the kids got seat belts on. Flip. This. Mother Fucker. Actually that is not what is happening. In the last 60 years no one has gotten out of their Blue Origin rocket. Yeah Amazon is huge, but my life's work is this rocket. Want to hear about my Life's work? No, because I don't give a shit about fucking rockets Jeff. You fucking Bozo the clown Dr. Evil looking mother fucker. Better get my wife's Christmas presents delivered to me on fucking time, and shut your mouth. I used to have a bald head, and look like the lead singer of Tool, with one fucking earring in my ear boxing books into cardboard boxes at a fucking Metro Storage. Honey, I swear on my fucking life someday all this boxing of Charlotte's Web we are doing at 11pm at night, and paying $35 to ship as fast as possible to the person that ordered it. And making 0 margin, but actually losing money to just prove a point. I swear on my fucking life its going to explode. So just keep boxing. Babe, stop fucking crying. I know you want to go on a ski trip to New Mexico. But this is more important. My life's second work. Because once Amazon works, I am then going to talk to you all the time about fucking rocket ships taking off. You're not going to just be like every girl right now who wants to go down to the SPCA and adopt a mixed breed fucking slobbering no one knows what the fuck kind of dog, and it has no fucking manners, and is untrainable, and god dammit why cant you just buy a fucking dog bred with bloodlines, instead of thinking you are saving the fucking world, i hate your fucking dog, you're mean, no fuck your dog, seriously. I am not picking up the dump your dog took at the park with a fucking grocery bag inside out covering my hand. Especially without a bathroom sink and soap nearby to wash my hands. Not fucking happening ever, in any fucking way, fucking ever. Please, stop crying babe. I swear. Trust me. Rockets. Not the Houston Rockets. Actual space ships. Stanley Kubrick is not around anymore for Hollywood and the CIA to hire to film us landing on the moon because of the great job he did in Space Odessey 2001. Someone actually has to go there again. And from the looks of it. All China can send there is an I Phone 3. The google phone college gameday uses in commercials to take pictures of people having fun in cities they travel to would have at least captured stars in the background of the sky, or how about the earth since when you are on earth you can always see the moon at any point during the day but on the moon you never can see the earth in the background, and the irony of that. Or the fact that I don't want one god damn space ship landing on the moon unless its fucking 4am. Its always darkest right before dawn. And we will only land in the fucking dark. Okay, the fucking club on the moon isn't poppin till 2am. Chainsmokers is still on their red eye from Boston to get here to perform at Encore Beach club. I know you are tired. Just sleep on the VIP couch we got for 2,000 dollars. Well wrap airport security check lanes around it. Take a fucking nap, wake up at 3am for their song Paris, and us landing on the moon in the dark. We will never go to the fucking moon at 9:30 on tomorrow morning. Because that is for endless mimosas at the Wicked Spoon way back in the back of the Cosmopolitan. Yeah just park at Aria Crystal Parking. And walk through the mall that only sells Hermes bags you can't afford, then once through it, and inside Cosmo. Go past the Chandeleir Bar that is actually a beautiful work of art , right past the Egg slut, keep going down an odd stretch of carpet and open lobby, and its right there just past the elevators. You came here for work Harrison. To check on accounts. Not to fucking drink Mimosas and somehow end up at Marquette Beach club on the way out from brunch waste deep in a pool fist pumping to Tritonal on Soundcloud.  I swear to god I have had every fucking family member on earth trying to book vacations around this mother fucker. Like when I was fucking a kid and tried to buy a stone cold steve austin baseball jersey on my moms birthday and she gave me the wrong credit card number. But I thought it worked. And waited for that fucking jersey for weeks and it never fucking came. Thats what you get for being selfish. Not even giving me the chance to see what the moon can fucking do. We don't even open a small hatch door when we land and let a golden retriever run out onto the surface. We can film a crew of chinese workers building a whole railroad station in 9 hours in shanghai but can't youtube a clip of a golden retriever fetching a tennis ball on the moon. Yeah definitely buy that Tesla stock. Go ahead and give them that $1,500 deposit for your new Tesla. You'll get it. It wasn't just a way for Elon to raise $20M dollars selling hats that say Boring Company on it, and fucking blow torches. You know why I can't read fucking Shiloh on the moon. Its because of fucking Peta. We can test Kylie Jenners lipkit on rats, unless Kourtney Kardashian goes to lobby in DC again for safe makeup testing regulations and posts it on instagram to her 100M followers to like. But not the fucking moon. Peta sends a fucking letter to ESPN, Texas & Georgia about letting their mascots get into a Connor McGreggor weigh in before the game. Actually if you think about it - did the animals know that Texas was going to turn Kirby Smart back into a graduate assistant breaking down film at Florida State in the 1990s. Like I said Kirby isn't Smart. Can't stop 5 qb sneaks in a row, unless he is a QB at the Brad Johnson football camp. For some reason at this stupid fucking camp you had to play offense and defense. So here I am at safety. Yeah ill guess ill play fucking safety even though I don't want to fucking play safety. I want to fucking throw. Thats it.  And some kid throws a post route during 7 on 7. And so some other kid catches it. Right in front of me. And I stopped because one more step and this kid would have died from the Bill Goldberg spear I had lined up for him. We didn't wear the old otto graham helmets that they are making again, for you to believe are new, now that CTE is the new I have mono.  I mean Brad Johnson is lucky enough to get the top 3 best quarterback in the US (WORLD) at his fucking shitty camp at Eckerd College. And Kirby has me playing safety.  Since it was shirts verse skins. I chose not end this kids life. Like when a walk on from the ROTC at NC State would try to join the team and come to practice. And I would tell him to run a slant, but also tell the defense with a hand signal, and then wait to throw the slant, and then fire it in there, for him to bobble, and get his fucking head ripped off, and to never show up to fucking practice ever again. And to be able to find an MRI anywhere now because Trump fixed the VA.  Anyways, I look back at Kirby Smart. He had the same fucking Serena Williams loses to Roger Federer and laughs about it on Snapchat visor on. HaHa! Man I just have been losing every fucking match lately and no one questions it. Ha! I married the only tech CEO who isn't worth a Billion Dollars. The guy from fucking reddit who only has like $5M dollars because the only thing you can do on reddit is discuss if we landed on the moon or not, or what exactly is the meaning behind the final scene in House of Cards season 6. So is Claire saying there is a Season 7, or that Doug left the coordinates for Rachel's body, and so she didn't sew up her loose ends by assassinating everyone like the Clintons do, except for Loretta Lynch who got nervous when Trump asked her about meeting Bill on the tarmac, and she said it was about golf and kids, but his generals played him a recording it was about Anthony Scalias Supreme Court seat if she helps the FBI back off Hillary's deleted emails. And so she told him there was a coordinate effort to spy on him in the highest levels of government to which he tweeted out, and everyone laughed and said he is a liar, but actually he gets access to classified information and knows about everything happening in the fucking world, and is just trying to tell you because you don't get to see that information, but here I will tell you, but no thanks liar. You fucking lie 15 times a day about things that are actually not lies, but that always come true within 1-2 months of you saying it.  Kirby just stares at me as he puts his hand into a big ass bag of popcorn. Puts a handful into his mouth. What do you think about the stars? Well, I can't the see the sun from the moon because I guess it doesn't have an atmosphere and so the suns rays never actually, you can't see them refracted on or around the green screen of the moon, or would that mean since the moon has nothing to block the suns rays, that they should directly make the moon brighter than a neopolitan pizza oven, because at least in Tampa I have clouds and 100 SPF protection to block the Sun's rays. But on the moon there are no clouds in any pictures we take, just the color black like when you fill in your rectangular shape art on a power point org chart, and therefore the sun should easily be able to burn holes in leaves through a magnifying glass on the moon if it was really close to the sun, because its close to earth. And technically the sun works first shift, and the moon works second shift, so they should see each other in passing while using our man made time zones to clock out. He pulls his visor off. Said to me, God Damn Son. Stop watching so many fucking Flat Earth videos with Kyrie Irving, Steph Curry, Eddie Bravo, and millions of other people on Instagram. Instead, don't let him catch the fucking ball. That receiver. To which I thought. I signed up to come to this fucking camp to do quarterback shit, and you got me over here, fucking playing safety like I am Scott Frost at a Jets practice. Coach, I just beat Peyton Manning in the National Title. Bad. What part of that ass whooping told you I wanted to play safety in the NFL? Mel Kiper said you couldn't play QB, and no one knows the criteria rivals.com uses to rank players. Or has challenged it in court yet. To probably win. Coach Spurrier chimes in, well you can't spell Citrus without UT. A joke about how Peyton only wins against low level competition. And I win almost 4 games my first year as head coach. Potato Patatoe. Lets pay $6.49 cent delivery fee for Chicken Express in the name of convenience. Which isn't it convenient that you are leaving the team right before our bowl game, but actually staying making it awkward for everyone at team snack. Hey!, put down the chick fil a sandwich you fuck, you don't even play here anymore. I guarantee that both Kirby Smart and Brian Kelly were thinking. Justin Fields is going to transfer and Fromm can't complete a fucking screen pass tonight. Ian hasn't read a fucking book about winning a game in his entire life. Now his moms Wimbush is leaving. Fuck, and now I can't put either in the fucking game because they already typed their transfer speech into the notepad on their Iphone took a screen shot, and shared it on twitter. God dammit.  I better seriously consider not making it past 1 contract with the Bucs. Goff better win this fucking playoff game before every one starts to realize that Sean McVays dad gets paid $1M to be the CEO of the Outback Bowl which only has a revenue of $11M dollars, which in regular or normal business, usually $11M dollars is managed by some fucking $90K hack who smokes cigarettes at lunch after his meatball marinara subway sandwich. Not $1M dollars. or 10% of total revenue on just 1 fucking person. I don't know. You fucking tell me. Imagine if life worked like John McCay. He just waltzes into a Target. Yeah I saw this flatscreen at Walmart for $350. So ill just head over there to buy it. No. No sir. Wait. Wait. Calm Down. Relax. If you can pull it up on your phone, and demonstrate that Walmart is selling that TV for $350 dollars. The same make and model. Then you can have it at that price point. But instead of a TV you get to plan sand volleyball for IOWA every year during only bowl season, and a breakfast for boosters to attend and eat pancakes with the players. 10 months out of the year, we need to just not take a consulting job in the NFL. Yeah just wake up every morning and walk the beach looking for shark teeth. Mom, look I found a sand tiger. Tooth. I wonder what a gift shop will give me to put it on a neckles and sell it  to the people from New Jersey who flock here every winter, but don't have the balls to just pickup and move here. There isn't a housewives of Tampa or I would. I need my fucking job. Yeah but I heard Florida is where old people go to die. Yeah and to ride bikes, and exercise, and fish, and play golf, and always be doing things outside because its 80 degrees every fucking day. Yeah but everyone there drinks orange juice. Not fucking anymore. China paid a marketing firm to spread lies about how unhealthy it is because Trump placed Tariffs on them, and in retaliation. Like my grandpa who use to make me go outside and spend hours picking up dead oranges from the trees. Ew this one looks like when I have flies inside my house so I put sugar and water into a cup with seran wrap over the top and poke holes into and the next day there are 50 flies living inside the cup, and orange. Damn I didn't know I had that many bugs in my house. Yeah either did we until Trump came along. But the moral of the story being that Buzz Aldrin was a mason, and John Wayne, all Presidents, and anyone who ever has a real opportunity to make it in life. Make it to the moon, and back. Reach for the Starz channel that was so close to being Netflix but just couldn't figure it out. Either could Blockbuster. But then Amazon is actually leaving the internet to go back to brick and mortar locations making you wonder if they should have just waited out the storm. Because now it seems like folks are finding out we might have to shut the internet down, and we have a lot of fucking inventory that when a hurricane comes, every one just goes to the store to buy bottle water, and not to Amazon to buy things you can snack on. Babe, just get some pop tarts off the internet. No you can't do that yet. Ill have to go Kroger. Babe both of my life's works it turns out are just the art that Steve Wynn once fell through at his own party costing himself $150M dollars. We have been packaging goose bumps books the entire fucking time, and all people really wanted were to be able to press a button and get milk delivered to their house at 8pm at night so they didn't have to go put some basketball shorts on and go to 711. For some reason the milk there always has a nearby expiration date. All milk needs at least 10 days away expiration date. Wait, didn't they use to just deliver milk to your house during the time period that Andy Griffin show was made. Milk with no lids in carafes meant for Rose'. All the fucking things they use to do that we wish they still did now, that people are starting to create apps to fucking do, just what we were already fucking doing. Which is not landing on the fucking moon. Because they didn't do it then, and for some reason in the last 60 years Sean Mcvay can't remember any humans doing it now. So if you have any itch to start your own fucking business. All you have to do is sell oranges at stop lights. Because pretty soon that fucking wall will be built like they use to build fucking walls, and wheels, and there will be no one left to do that fucking job. Not because of AI. Stop building fucking reindeer bots that can barely stand in place in my front yard during Christmas. Or Hey robot, catch. Ball bounces right off your fucking Marsha Brady sex brothels opening every where now oh face. Turn this shit off. They can't even get fucking cable right. They didn't play any new shows over the entire Christmas break for some reason. I am going to bed. I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky. Boys 2 Men will be in an episode of masked singer on Fox.