QB Lessons in McKinney in Dallas will teach you how to evolve. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lesson in McKinney in Dallas. Times are changing man. I am pretty sure that these new age quarterbacks grew up watching the NBA, instead of the NFL. I had this friend one time who played with me at NC State, on the football team, and he told me that he liked basketball better. It just bothered me so much. I just fucking hate basketball. I was so irritated. He would play pickup games at the rec in the off-season, and ask me if I wanted to play. No I don't want to fucking pretend to wipe the bottoms of my shoes off with my hands because the court is not slippery, I just can't fucking shoot a basketball, so I am hoping this works and looks cool, game of pickup with kids at the university who are just fucking regular students in debt to banks. The -$250 thousand dollar lawyer. Man you are so fucking smart. I have a full scholarship Nebraska now regrets giving me based off my twitter videos. No debt. 0. Fuck you. Wipe your hands off using the bottom of your shoes. Instead of a quarterback towel. I didn't just come from the Men's bathroom where guys piss all over the walls and floors and my shoes stepped in that, and now its on my hands. Buts its the middle of the game, and I will shower later. As my step dad takes a bite of his slice of pizza without washing his hands after changing the oil on his durango. Maybe ill just put some ear wax on my finger tip, and see if she burns. Ouch I forgot that cleats have spikes. Speaking of hands. You know why people don't go play catch more often. Because people can't fucking throw and catch. Ask someone at the family BBQ to catch. Almost all of them will say no. Except for one guy and its not fun because he gives up throwing after a few minutes and tries punting the fucking ball back to you. And when the punt hits the ground it bounces 20 more yards away. So you just fucking wave him off, and go tell your wife that life fucking sucks now. I just fucking go to family bbq's and no one can fucking catch, or do shit. I am the only fucking star here. God dammit I should have just fucking not been a jerk in college, and learned that its okay to be Josh McCown, and pretend to want to help the starter, and not hope he dies, bounce from camp to 1 bedroom apartment with a special teams player, to camp, so you can keep playing, but lets keep him on the team for $4M dollars because Dan Orvlosky says an NFL front office should hire him immediately. Check his Linked In. He is 30 but it says 7 years of NFL backup quarterback, and almost 0 management experience. Did you see how many times Sam Darnold lost a game where he was the backup? Major potential. That Tony Romo in the booth, man. Real insights into the game of life. Got out with his health in tact. Played average just long enough to fuck up and not marry Jessica Simpson who is actually a billionaire now due to her body creams. Who is the better illuminati handler - her dad Joe, or Britney Spears dad? Dead serious. Major mistake Tony. Get your mind off things. Go shoot hoops at the gym. No, there isn't an indoor football field to throw (right, because you're a quarterback and love throwing), no I love golf and basketball and all kinds of things and that is why I never became quite the elite quarterback), but there is a basketball court. Because anyone can play basketball. Its the alegebra of math. Its a Walmart for fat-letes. Basketball is the fast food of sports. Every athlete in the McDonalds all-american game is on the recruiting dollar menu. Everyone who plays the game is typically poor and grew up eating it for dinner, or working there. 5 dollars at Mickie D's after playing an AAU game as a kid before committing full time to football, and being 6 feet tall, will get you, a undersized quarterback in the shotgun, with a Drew-is-a Lock-to-lose-this-game record, Greg Paulus gets an extra failed year at Syracuse, wasted pick in the NFL draft, and sitting through a shitty pickup game Matthew Brodrick invited the cable guy too, son to watch. There are no Asian quarterbacks, but in Basketball you have Jeremy Lin. Because of Obama. The NCAA tournament bracket of Presidents. Continuing the tradition of everyone thinking they should be able to join any pickup game they want in America. Steve Young says that, playing quarterback is harder than learning a Dillinger Escape Plan song on the guitar. I don't know. You get the point. This fucking kid said he liked basketball. I got mad and just started getting diarreah of the mouth. The blasphemy of playing football, and saying you like fucking basketball. My idol growing up was Brett Favre. This quarterback would have to drop back in the middle of a fist fight, with an arm that requires a fucking surgeon generals warning. With the flick of his wrist he could like a basketball players cigarette outside a 711 where they work as a cashier. He would shred your fucking turkey ass up, turn you into a fucking sandwich and eat your moms ass. Ew I don't eat ass. Some kid told me that too. I just don't eat girls out. Not my thing. Dude how much does your wife fucking hate you. Wow. No man, I am like Nicolas Cage in 8mm, and rate & review high school quarterbacks like the game they played in was just a 2 hour uber drive to the airport in morning traffic. Hm some great jokes, i mean throws, but gets on and off the highway too much. Needs to concentrate on the road more. I saw him liking a tweet while driving of Greg Mcleroy pretending to fight Danny Kannel, but they were just kidding he is a Rhodes scholar. We didn't crash, but you still shouldn't text while driving autonomous vehicles that promised we could watch netflix on the way to work keep failing, but we keep approving for funding, because while the government celebrates creating jobs, and we really just want the Georgia Guidestones to tell us that the perfect population is 500,000, and that means eliminating all front line level workers on earth, and if darwinism is correct, these people who can't afford to live anymore will either turn into the new class of elected house officials, like that bartender Ocasia Cortez, or simply disappear slowly in small groups at a time like the city of Atlantis engaging under seas wars no one gives a fuck about because the explosions make great brain waves for the boogie board in Josh Rosens conscience. I didn't realize Amber Heard paused Gone Girling billionaires to be nominated for a golden globe for that movie Aquaman. Turns out she is better to look at than the visual effects in the movie, right man, right. No fucking nomination for you. Protecting our seas man from underwater Putin. Save the coast & their guards man. Give them money even though the government is shutdown because Trump is a great President. That is the way the double doink bounces. Some will be play quarterback like its the NBA. Because now, now we have fucking Kevin Durant at Quarterback. Randall Cunningham was solid in that foggy game verse the Bears, but now he is just a $250 throwback jersey they order with their scholarship check. Real stitching and everything. It really started with all the Allen Iverson high school clips released online when people found out he went to the same high school as Mike Vick. Man I only wear one glove on my non-throwing hand Ronald Curry too. Newport News, Virginia. The home of the best quarterbacks turned wide receivers in America. It use to be cool for you to see Dan Marino tell his lineman- lets score some fucking points. Mean as a god damn snake. His fucking eyes CERN portals to see you in hell motherfucker. Chief Executives on the field making decisive P & L decisions. Yeah fucking fire the bottom 10 percent. Get them the fuck out of here after 1 season of development any qb not taken in the first round. Fucking can't throw, can't catch shit. Come out of your routes you tipping toeing mother fucker. You're fucking out of here. Dan Fouts told Kellen Winslow. Kellen was like - yeah we would go at it. Insinuating that this was a mutual conversation. No this wasn't Dan Fouts calling a fucking ducks game out in Oregon for the Pac 12 network. This was come out of your fucking breaks right fucking now. To your face. MFIC. Mother Fucker in Charge. Now you got a bunch of Warrick Dunn bought my mom's house, and used Andrew Lucks degree in architecture to renovate it, quarterbacks in the league. I mean my dad died when I was 7, and I just raised my family like I was the fucking man cub in Jungle book. I didn't day dream about what it would be like for Superman to be my fucking dad. Because every single one of them, pulls their sternum open like they have a S on their chest, for fucking SUCK. I fucking SUCK, and make T-Shirts now for my quarterback camps I run near the college I use to play at. Here is one I am wearing. Here is the proof. On the hidden AJ Mcarron bear tattoo on my chest that you can see when you google pictures of me jet skiing on spring break from college, the internet won't delete. Google it. Hey check out the black wedding band I wear on my left hand during the game for no reason, so everyone watching at home on Fox clearly understands that I am a married, and god fearing, christian man. Derek, we need you to worship Satan like Christian Bale. That is why we kicked Tebow out of the NFL for kneeling remember. Cause Its no longer about fourth quarter comebacks. Because that would require only 1 game with 4 quarters to win, and nothing more. Now its a comeback season with Johnny Manziel. And all these dual quarterbacks wear the number 2 now too. Get it. Because they do two things. Start and lose. Now they think they have 7 games for their Steph Curry with the pop shot to start working in the NBA finals. Coach, don't worry I am going to come in tomorrow after we lose this game, and just shoot free throws at 6am, a 1,000 of them like Kobes failed sports drink sells 10/10.00 at Krogers. Just buy 10 of them. Please. Seriously I invested in this drink and its not going well at all. Buy fucking 10 of them. Its called Body Armour, but its a juice not a flexible shirt. I didn't realize I would have to compete with all the corporate sponsors and the monopoly that Gatorade has in every single major sporting market on the planet. Doug Baldwin promises that Gatorade doesn't want to play us next season, because we just lost this season, and so no one can play us, this season anymore. Coach, my arm is sore because when I am not at practice I go on youtube chris brown videos, I fucking was dabbing all fucking weekend, and my elbow is sore, but just put the relief pitcher in, cause he have 7 games to win the World Series, I think I can go tomorrow, Deshaun we have 1 fucking game, and I need you to go tonight, Okay Tribuski, if you are going to fucking play then fucking play. Nagy told Pam at halftime. Here is another turning point in the history of athletes. Instead of Tiger Woods just telling the press, fuck yeah I made her drink my cum from a martini glass. And smiling because he is a multi-million dollar athlete, and fuck off bro. I get to live one fucking life. I make fucking millions playing golf, and fucking get pussy all the time. Broke dick cigarette addicted, living in moms fucking basement, driving canceled credit cards, don't fucking make anymore, ford sedans driving ass reporter. We make huge fucking trucks now we sell in the Cowboys stadium, and for guys to fucking pay $100 to fill their gas tank, and it takes 10 minutes to park in a fucking traditional spot in those small parking spaces in the parking garage at the mall so we have to park way out by Dillards and walk in. But babe I swear I have a huge fucking dick, and they are not using a CAT lift to build an apartment complex next door when I leave for work in the morning. And that Nick Foles will be in the hall of fame if he wins the Super Bowl again even though most people wouldn't admit it like other two time winners like Eli Manning, John Elway. He guys. Puts his food tray down at their table. Steve Young sits there. Not anymore mother fuckers. I got 2. His quarterback schizophrenia has 1. Tiger Woods would have been at the Brady, Montana table if he just double downed like Trump. Yeah I fucked those porn stars. I fucking Airbnb the Brazzers house on the regular. They have a special celebrity version of Airbnb. Go on that bitch, and you can rent a Rothlischild mansion and host a fucking Eyes Wide Shut party they will get some un-documented illegals to clean up because they don't have social security numbers, and no one knows they are in the country, and therefore they basically make the best non-disclosure agreement workers of all fucking time, and that's only part of the reason I don't want to fund this border wall for Trump. Cause of the free undocumented labor we use for illumanti rituals at the Bohemian Grove. That and last time someone gave him money he built this huge fucking tower in the middle of the Jews in Manhattan like when someone conquers land, and they jab a spear in the ground, or a a baker mayfield Oklahoma flag. Baker, they are going to lose to IOWA too. Its not really that big of a deal to beat them. Everyone who use to live here, for some reason, history books in middle school only read like there were 5,000 of you, because there are now 350 million people in American, and in 200 years that escalated fucking quickly. We made sure to bring small pox, to speed up the process of taking over your land, the same way internationalist bankers give people flu shots to help make sure they watch the news happen while doing nothing to stop it. Someone get Jim Acosta the fuck out of here. Living vicariously through writing about all the awesome things my dick has done to Melania. The hottest wife out of all Presidents, which means I must be fucking good at something. Like winning this playoff game. Coach, we got 6 more games to win the Super Bowl. I am going to get the $10,000 month car payment on my MayBach that someone actually rented me for this music video, realigned, tuned up before next game. Were gonna be sipping champagne with Lebron headed to the Lakers game with a fake injury that we are telling the fans because Lebron thinks he should get nights off. Coach, I just went into ADP and I added 8 hours of personal time. Can you approve? I need the game to film a segment in the barber shop where I invite on average one white person who always looks confused if he is allowed to say the N word or not, so I won't, but ill tell you what, Fuck Trump, we need aliens to bring the world together. An existential threat. Hahaha man Jon is so fucking funny, man fucking Aliens. Glad we got you for the show, instead of Bill Maher. But probably wouldn't have made a difference joke wise. Maybe you're a little less cynical. Aliens, The ones that Tom Delonge wrote Blink 182 songs about and everyone thought it was just part of their teenage angst, but he was dead serious, reading Area 51 books in the back of his van, and writing songs about fucking aliens, and now no one has seen him in 2 years. Give or take a Joe Rogan podcast appearance. Is he dead? and if so, what does that mean for Kanye? Is this his last stop. Some guy on a plane. Dead serious. Told me that the Area 51 crash in the fifties was the Russians putting two kids dressed up as aliens into a flying saucer beer in Raleigh to crash to throw American's into a frenzy. I think we are finding out with the government shutdown that we don't even really need the government. Because they are fucking sitting around in meetings, and someone raises their heads. Lets dress some fucking kids up as aliens for Halloween and crash them into the arizona desert. It'll be like 70 years straight of them doing National Geographic documentaries about Aliens. Fuck yeah Greg, Fuck yeah. Hell fucking yeah. Guys I know we are down 21-0 in the first quarter, and every time I run for a first down, it is like I am charging the rim for a dunk. Guys lets meet by sideline so coach can draw up a play on his white board. You get under the rim. You kick out to the perimeter. Deshaun, what the fuck are you talking about? What is the fucking protection. Okay, you pick and you roll. Deshaun! No Jeff Saturday, you shut the fuck up and stop tweeting that the offensive line is the real fucking skill position. You fucking listen to me. Just snap me the fucking ball. I know the NFL is all about hand placement. But keep your fucking hands in your armpits, and mirror Khalil Mack's chest with your chest, maybe a knee near his groin or waste. Make him run around you, or foul. He will probably just push you back on a wet field like Micheal Oher in that Trey Wingo tweet to show how bad tonight's National Title field will be. Considering both teams are from the south, and why the fuck is it in San Francisco? And by that time you get to the game via airplane and rental car costs, I will post up, and hit the three from way outside. Deshaun, a field goal? We need to score 7 points here, and and also on 3 more drives. I got this Kyrie. Who you guys going to believe? Me or the fucking guy on the team who believes the earth is flat. How are you going to be a world wide phenomenon if the world is flat. Bill, um, Coach O'Brien I think Deshaun is fucking losing it out there. Its his first time in the playoffs, and hes been telling all his friends and family that Clemson was going to win all week in person, and on twitter. Even though he doesn't play there anymore. Plus, the sugar high adrenaline from the Migos songs he listened to on his beats headphones pre-game used up all his serotonin and dopamine, during pre-game, and has him feeling like he drank a cup of coffee but its 5pm at night, and why wont this fucking coffee just fucking go away. Its like I have energy, but its false energy, like when I smoke weed and try to stop feeling lethargic with a five hour energy, but now I just feel awake, and I am actually tired, but I just can't get into REM sleep because my body, mind and soul are all disconnected like when I can't connect the blue tooth in the airport rental car, and I am not going to fucking drive anywhere until my phone plays on this fucking car's radio, even it takes all fucking day, yes I am in fucking park, god damn, deletes all previous phones, done, fucking sync all my contacts, yes, okay your phone is now connected. Fuck my phone phone is low on battery. Plugs it in. Now the blue tooth is disconnected, and I am on USB, and its saying I have to use Nissan Android App, and it won't work while driving because it is trying to protect me from crashing. Tries to put car in park at red light to hurry up and fix. Light turns green. Fuck it. Bro. Fuck it. Fuck this shit. Drives to Hotel. Sets it up in the Hotel Parking Lot. Gets out and goes inside and doesn't even fucking need it anymore. Fuck coffee, tries to take a Tylenol PM just to fucking relax and watch some fucking TV, and my fucking brain is telling me to fucking email someone. Better pour some vodka. Put this fucking race horse down. I am going to call this drink cracked hoof. One fucking sip and you'll never race again. Guys, we are going to win this fucking game. Just relax. Think of it this way, its like being down 0-3 against the Warriors and Lebron losing a lot in the championship and some people in the NBA never lost a championship, and actually have like 9 or 10 rings, but calling himself the greatest pawn in democratic history. Lebron, look man, we are racking up a ton of expenses flying you to hollywood from Cleveland every other week for your cloning center tune ups. So we are just going to put you on the Lakers. Just beware. Everyone in Cleveland has a blue collar job like construction or steel, or coal. But everyone in LA works for Lisa Vanderpump as a waitress, and also sells protein packets on Instagram stories. But now they have to confirm its an ad by the part where it shows their location. So its a little different. Than Prince Alwaleed just owning the majority shares of twitter. There is a good chance you can be NBA sixth man of the year one season, and addicted to Crack the next, telling Life & Style magazine, that instead of investing in a bunch of Starbucks with Magic Johnson like Shaq forgot to do, you are going to write a tell all confession on the Kardashians. Also, Ryan Seacrest is your new handler, and is going to send you an text every morning at 4am to tell you exactly what to edit in your tweet. That will help us create further division within the black communities that Candance Owens seems to be doing a nice job of converting to Republican. Yeah, just make sure you do it. You ever seen Lindsay Lohan Beach Club on MTV. Or Terrance J from E Network who started out with a promising future, but now hosts Real World challenge, and looks like he drinks a lot. They didn't participate in our Moca Gala spirit cooking ceremonies with Marina Abrohomic. You get the picture. Lebron. This is the last 2-3 years of your career in a nutshell. Coach, we are going to win this game tonight. I don't want to end up like Allen Hurns, break my ankle and I can't go to Rome with the Michigan Wolverines in the off-season. Plus I showed up in a funny hat with a bird feather in it. And say things like Touche my Lord. Thats a feather in your cap. When they catch passes from me in practice. I am articulate. Yeah Cam just comes up in here and we design fucking hats together. Its his passion. Football is just the vehicle that gets him to work. Hell watch like Indiana Jones on Netflix in the quarterback room, and just come in here and be like I want a Larry Fedora. New age players wear glasses even though their vision is perfectly fine. Von Miller wants us to think in between using instagram as tinder in Mexico, he was a deacon like Reggie White in the 90's. Dear lord, please stop making Brett drink bloody Marys and lying to Paul Hornung on his radio show that he is sober. The James Caan of defensive ends. I mean Louis Farrakan. I mean, just rub black paint all over your face like John Randle. He will stop Brett from drinking a couple times a game, but not after it. But definitely still beating his stalker Matt Hassleback. The only QB in history to wear black eye strips. Even on night games, and in Super Bowl losses because Holmgrem made the refs mad in the first quarter so they basically called every penalty for the rest of the night on the seahawks, and Mike regrets that. Is this game too big for you guys? Let me see through big fucking glasses on my Walrus face. Lots of glass wearers in the NFL for some reason. Eat your fucking carrots. Look, Some people go see their doctor, and lie to them for a new prescription of adderall. Yeah man I always forget my fucking car keys. Yeah my wallet too. Didn't feed my dog yesterday. Well actually we can write you a prescription for concerta. No, what? Fuck no. God dammit, umm let me see. Oh yeah, I forgot this was the NFL, not the NBA. Sorry I cant get that sneaker noise out of my fucking head when NBA players run on the court during a transition. Look, I need these fucking glasses. Okay. I have to record Monday Night Football player introductions tomorrow with Suzy Kolber. I have matured. I see the world differently now. You better write fucking down right now that I have bad vision and need to wear glasses, and then pick me out a fucking perfect pair of Malcom X, Revenge of the Nerd, Superman glasses. To go with the S on my chest. So the Ravens can wear purge masks into the lockeroom on ESPN, and get their ass kicked by Chargers. Kanye tweets out, man democrats been trying to get us wear glasses for centuries, and I have dragon vision. So do I. Great perfect vision ye. But I did that when I was 15 to my doctor for both adderall, and at Lens Crafters. Asked them for glasses too. I think its a thing. So I don't know. I thought I was the singer from Weezer for a few weeks. Pink Triangles man. Hurt my fucking eyes. Tried contacts too. Burned from the sweat condensation my helmet causes, and in conjunction with the gel in my hair. That is why I stopped using gel. Anyways. Life is a huge pickup basketball game. Look the 3rd and long of all this is that you can't run from your problems. You should pass them off to someone else to deal with. Like Aaron Rogers did to Mike McCarthy. And Kirby Smart did to Tate Martell.