Quarterback LessonS

The Internets First Ever Starting Quarterback 

I throw faster than you can snap your fingers.

​QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you about the pocket. Listen to the quarterback coaching in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lessons in McKinney in Dallas. You have to stand in the pocket son. Stand in the pocket, and deliver the rocket. Throwing in the middle of a fist fight. People falling all over your feet, and knees. Bear crawling to your ankles. Dancing in the moshpit at the As I Lay Dying concert. I just got kicked in the face by some Asian kid. Some blood coming from around your nose hole now. You gonna beat his ass. No because he just disappeared back into the crowd with a bandana covering his face. I didn't see his eyes. He was wearing a under amour shield on his helmet. All I saw was face paint or eye shadow. Given the context.  Eyes are the portal to the soul. All meaning is determined there. I was in San Fransisco driving home from the bar one time. Almost got hit by a large pickup truck. I looked up and saw the gentleman's eyes. Bloodshot like a werewolf. I could see the capillaries pilfering blood across the plateau of his destiny. He did not hit me. He swerved and drove off. Right turn gone. Hair of the dog.  No respect. The pocket treats you like Rodney Dangerfield. That is how you can tell the Alpha male. The joke teller of the group. He picks individually on each person. Waiting for you to retaliate. And when you don't fight back. He tries again. Whats his breaking point? How far can I go? He never says anything back. He just becomes one of your henchman. Julius Cesar tried to stand in the pocket. Guys I think ancient Rome needs to do this, and got stabbed to death. WTF bro I thought you guys were my road dogs. Trump wants to Make America Great Again. Well buddy you have to have some protection. Surrounds himself with generals. The democrats are a pack of angry animals. Someone has made fun of them their whole entire life. This group. We're not gonna take it. They band together. Not the band of brothers, the band of others. Bro they don't even like each other. They just don't like being made fun of by their hilarious confident and cocky friend. Their mothers favorite son. But mom I got straight A's this semester. Yeah but he can throw 80 yards son. Anyone can get straight A's. Democrats are the friend at the local pickup game at the park who comes up to you and says can I play quarterback for a snap. Everyone knows you are the god damn quarterback. No you fucking can't. Sure bud here you go. Take the fucking ball. Puts the ball in his chest. Makes a blatant example of this garbage request. The kid has no clue what he is doing. Says Hut. Gets his flag pulled, or throws some dipshit sail boat pass that goes into the ground at the receivers feet. Get the fuck out of here. And go run a route. Never try that shit again. But what if I had just been like- yeah sure man I believe in you. And he was settled, and relaxed, and threw a nice silly little completion. And got his jollies off. Then on his own went back to playing wide receiver in the local pickup game. You can't have it both ways. I have to stand in the pocket. I hope that you understand. 2018 is about double down and counter attack. Don't come near my dog bowl with your toungue out.  I can't have folks running around this office not clearly understanding this is my territory. Or I will have to fire them. Hey H I have this great idea about how we can streamline operations for the Northern Territory? You're fucking fired. Get the fuck of my office. No one has ideas on my clock. That is what it was like in the 1990's. Jack Welch the CEO of General Electric. He would call Nardelli into his office. Robert I need you to go to China and get GE in China. Yeah what do you want me to do. Book a plane ticket to China, and don't come back until GE is in China. Am I clear? And on your way out the door I want you to fire the bottom 10% of this company. Blame it on the controller department, and their six sigma black belts. Erotic Financial-ifixiation. That is standing in the pocket and delivering the rocket. Tough decisions, tougher people. They are like when you watch Sharks eat. You ever seen that flimsy little white eyelid that covers their eyes. I can't get blood in my eyes as I tear into this whale of a problem man. Let me protect my eyes. My soul. Protect my soul. Standing in the pocket. You have to get miscellaneous things out of your pocket man. The same way corporations are streamling operations, they are making jeans tighter than ever. I once bought a pair of $230 dollar Nordstroms jeans. I was supposed to take them to the tailor to get them sized appropriately. But no, if I pay $200 then I am going to feel like I should be able to wear them to the movie theatres immediately. Go on a date immediately. So the jeans are tighter than ever, hug my thighs. No room no space. Less cloth. Like real estate these days. I pay a million dollars for a beautiful house on a little lot. No more little house on the prarie. These jeans barely let my balls breath. I can't fit my wallet and my phone. My jeans aren't a fucking drawer in your kitchen. You can't have scotch tape in your pockets, and phone charger chords, and pens, and holiday cards, and letters from the IRS in your pockets. We got to eliminate the junk. The unnecessary items. The misc category. Hey Donna, why the fuck is there a misc. category on your quarterly business review. Are we engaging tasks in the field that can't be accounted for? Identify that category and write me an executive summary defining these expenses, and find a way to categorize them, or get them the fuck out of financials. Standing in the pocket man. Bill Callahan was in an elevator with me once. Eating an ice cream cone. The ice cream dripping down the waffle cone. His toungue licking that soft melted vanilla. Only thing he had said to me in the last week. I nodded. And got off the elevator. Hey, H, drop your nuts and stand in the pocket. I went home, and did my homework. Checked Facebook. You could only poke people and comment on their wall in 2005, and you had to have a University email address. The migrant invasion at the border with the Scaravan. Hell you don't even have to leave your computer seat to get into our country. Just log in to Instagram. Better yet. Just log in once, and keep the app on your phone in your pocket. You are at the grocery store buying some cheap sweaters from Krogers. Man they sell clothes at normal grocery stores now. And your Instagram is checking you into Krogers. Lots of people go to the Krogers man. China calls up the executives at Krogers. Hey can we sell some cheap macaroni, corn, and butter to your Krogers. Like 79 cents for some noodles. Sure man. Great deal. Hey babe, check out these cheap noodles. Grabs them off the shelf. All because of your pocket. Have you ever wondered what that little pocket above your big pocket in your jeans is for? I have never even used it once. Why did they make that little pocket? What executive in what meeting sketched out a little pocket above the big pocket, everyone raised their hand in agreeance that it should have money spent on it to be made at the factory. Yes Gary, great innovative idea. The little pocket. Nice touch! Ocasia Cortez can put her hopes and dreams in there. Consolidation man. Organization. Lets make a store that only sells containers and call it the container store. You ever see a mom who doesn't work. They just organize shit in their pantry. And I have a container for this cereal, and my sugar, and my flour. Here is a candy jar. You ever seen the kitchen at the Kardashian's house. All of these girls are so rich, and have so much time, they just organize their kitchens all day. They have m & m's in a glass container on the counter top. I have an M & M bag at my house. I shove my fat fucking hand into it and grab a handful. When I want them. Sometimes I put some in my pocket. At Missouri they put the quarterback in the pocket at 8 yards instead of the typical college 5 yards. Instead of the typical NFL 3 yards. The QB is safe, and clean. He gets to be on Dancing with the Stars. Everyone tune in and vote as I dance around the theatre with the football in my hands. All the worlds a stage. The pocket at the University of Missouri is Shakespeare. The quarterback is really Othello in the garden lamenting his misconstrued reality. Coach it was Cover 3. No it was Man coverage son. You got picked off because it was man. You sad dumb motherfucker. Coach the pocket was collapsing I couldn't see anything. You didn't drop enough Dilfer dimes and rents due. You just got evicted from your pocket.  I am always amazed when I hear an actress can sing like Anne Hathaway. Hey I thought you were just an assistant for Vogue Magazine, and then you make Le Miz and it turns out that you can sing too. You've been keeping that in your back pocket haven't you. Cam Newton, Lamar Jackson, all these running quarterbacks have no use for the pocket. I don't need the pocket. I can run around and make plays. Make up policy. I am athletic. I don't need a border wall to protect my country. I don't need lineman. Anyone can come in. Bring your friends too. Gets sacked 55 times a season. My shoulder hurts. Why am I getting hit so much he wonders to the reporters? Man we need a left tackle in the draft. Some money for that border wall.  As the panthers go from being a Super Bowl contender to socialist Venezuela. The quarterback without a pocket.  Why are all the fans leaving? Hey the panthers just traded me to the Jaguars. Man we suck. Maybe I should have stood in the pocket, and delivered the ball downfield. None of this would have happened if we built that god damn pocket. Teddy Roosevelt once gave a 45 minute speech, he got shot, and just kept talking. Because the bullet had to go through his pocket, maybe it didn't penetrate as much his skin? Reasonable question. I was leaving Las Vegas one time, and my airplane dropped about 8000 feet. It hit an air pocket. Terrifying. You ever swim in your neighbors pool. You hold your breath and go under water with some goggles on. They paid to warm the pool in the winter. It feels great man. Just don't get out because you will be freezing cold. You hold your breath. You go under the water. Its just water and you. It fills every crevice, crease, opening. Complete and total silence and concentration. But the water doesn't go into your ear drums. or your nostrils. Its not like when you hold a toy gun under the water with the tab pulled out and it loads with water to squirt. The water stops at the holes in your face. There are dry pockets stopping the water. Water doesn't enter your nose into your throat. You open your mouth, and the water doesn't cave down into your throat and lungs. It stops at your lips. These pockets hold the water back. You come up for some air. You want a hot dog? Yeah babe make me a hot dog. Hamburger too. Okay. Comes out with a plate of potato chips, hamburger and hot dog. Dries off with a towel. Eats his food. Man I am getting full. I don't think I can fit any more food into my stomach. My favorite pocket of all.