QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you to remember who you are. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lessons in McKinney in Dallas. You use to have to pickup a rotary phone to call someone. Now you just sub tweet them. I am actually upstanding citizen in the local community, but look here. It says that I am a piece of shit because the one time I met Tommy Frazier I was like why do you smell like a 1 bedroom apartment. There I was throwing after agility drills in the new indoor practice facility. And Eric Crouch walks up with a football and asks if he can throw with me. The fucking Heisman trophy winner. Swimmed up to me like a dolphin at a dock on the intercoastal behind your house. Here want a fishy widdle dolphin. Your skin is so slippery. And I know you can hear me. Because every time you are in a movie with Steve Guttenberg and he is a biologist who falls in love with his partner he originally thought was just a good friend, until they drank too much wine and kissed, and then you hurt your flipper saving a teenager from a shark after he fell of his jet ski, and I just happened to be patrolling the shores in my cigarette boat, and saw it, and the kid is fine, but you are hurt, but I know how to heal flippers, just take this shot, and all I have to do is add these stitches here, and he is wiggling, hold him, fucking hold him, I am almost done, fucking hold. He needs fucking water in his fucking gills Steve or he is going to fucking die. Ah. Pulls thread, tied, done. Rolls him into the water. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay swim. Swim Flipper. Swim. Fucking swim. Flipper. Oh my fucking god. Fucking swim man. Hes not fucking swimming. Hes not fucking moving. Wiggle his tail. Swim buddy. Please. Please. Swim. (tail jiggles). Flipper. Flip.. A bigger tail jiggle. Babe, babe look he is regaining conscienceness. (full body movement). Babe. (Flipper takes off underwater). Babe, where is flipper? Where did he go? Omg where did he go? His daughter starts crying again. Flippppperrr. And then out of nowhere. Just off in the distance. Bursting from the water like a roman candle. Squisshhhhh ehe ehehe ehe flipper does a double barrel backflip just under the rising sun. We did it babe. We saved Flipper. And Henry is okay too. Good thing we have insurance on this jet ski. That was what went through my mind when Eric Crouch asked if he could throw with me. The only way to understand Trump is to heed the advice of Voltaire. Those who can make you believe uncertainties can make you commit atrocities. And I am certain Eric Never should have lost to Colorado the Friday after Thanksgiving, and let Chris Brown run for 250 yards. Hey we run the option. Thanks for getting me drafted as a WR in the 4th round Gary Barnett when in 2018 I would be the first pick in the draft as a duel threat to the Ravens. There is not much difference guys. He looks just like Joe Flacco but instead of a strong arm, has really strong ankles. When I left Nebraska, Coach Callahan called me from my High School coaches office. He said that Eric Crouch had left Nebraska too. And he came back and won the Heisman. So I should come back. But then I remembered Corey McKweon telling everyone at the lunch table he was done after the 2005 season and going straight to the pros in his pink collar T-Shirt. His sidekick T-Mobile phone Sean Hill. His personal assistant and hype man. Was like. Hell yeah man. Hell yeah. Hey, hold on, let me fix your hair real quick. Licks his finger tips and straightens one of the spikes that didn't get enough gel that morning. You're good. Hell yeah Corey. And when you get there I will just follow you around town like Cody Glenn makes sure that Blue Apron has the right address at all times to deliver to Ndamukong Suh meal kit delivery basil chicken and safron carrots he has to individually open each seasoning packet, and still cook himself, and part of you wonders if I should have just ordered pizza on Uber Eats because the whole point of paying more for food is so that its made and ready to eat by the time you get it, because you are busy, and don't want to cook today, but nevermind, lets make it go public on IPO, and within days realize when your stock price tanks that a lot of other people in the country were thinking the same thing. Hey I thought I ordered an Apron off Amazon. No blue apron. A salvation army donation box you put shoes from payless in and drop off at your local church. I mean that has skirt steak in it. Hey before you eat it. Let Mike'L Severe take a picture of it and post it on all his social media accounts. Mike, whats your um prediction for the Alabama vs. Oklahoma game? Cream Cheese Jalapeno Poppers. No, Mike, not what you are eating. The game. The score. The action. What is going to happen? Tua does throw an exceptional screen pass, and also dresses and has the same haircut as Sinbad, and no one is really talking about that except Harrison. Overall I would suggest Misty's steakhouse. God dammit. There isn't a more arrogant media market than the Nebraska market. Folks talk about the coastal liberal elites of LA & the gangs of New York. At least they have the Illuminati, which Microsoft word made me capitalize to not consider it misspelled, its not real, and they also have Jews that are forced to sell the Clippers for a $1.6B dollar profit. Nothing says punishment like being forced to make $1.6B dollars. You should have never recorded me you fucking traitor to the NDA I made you sign that the district 9 courts says doesn't mean anything, deleting an entire Dave Chapelle skit from his DVD collection of greatest hits. Now I have to get fucking richer. Now I have to play my guitar on team chartered plans even though the team hates it. But I am the owner, and Paul Allen is dead, and Phil Jackson made me pay him $25M to trade a Carmelo candy bar for drafting a tall machine gun Kelly. So somebody has to pretend they are Johnny Depp at the VMA's around here. Johnny you want to play tonight. Yeah just wear the dan electro guitar around your belly button, and a Scotland Yard searching for Jack the Ripper skirt. And imagine you are playing teen spirit by Nirvana while being Mel Gibson in Braveheart. And we will just dub it out with Black Hole Sun, before giving a Lifetime Achievement Award to Chris Cornell for hanging himself for finding out all his charity work in Haiti was really just to sell kids through the Clinton Foundation. Him and Paul Walker, and the singer from Linkin Park, Chester. Paul Walker will only keep your adrenachrome supply chain secret under our agreement that we had when I signed my soul to you Satan. I want a real fucking role god dammit. I want something more than just constant pictures of BBQ restaurants and pulled pork sandwiches posing as local news. Something with Natalie Portman in it where she finds a forest that is really a refracted mirror, and reveals how the big bang theory cause particles of energy to give voices to animals, that make us think they are a beacon of light we run to for safety thinking its my dead husband who came back to earth to tell me one last time he loved me, and the trust is being cleaned at a reduced tax rate of 4% from 36% in panama, and to get it out soon before the Wall Street Journal finds out, only to realize its a hybrid bear and lion, and to be killed, and re-released on Netflix as Bird Box but using humans and wind instead. That can talk to you. I am not making a fucking another Fast and Furious with Vin Diesel. Who in person is actually the size of Verne Troyer. Mini Me from Austin Powers. Who died last year too. And no one cares because the only small person who gets fucking respect in Hollywood is the guy from Game of Thrones. Which women use as a way to empower themselves through a divorce. And HBO was really just hoping to make a mideval times House of Cards, since Netflix did so well on that show, and HBO has visionary leadership, and the future is female, so lets make the one calling all the shots female, to which House of Cards called Kevin Spacey up, and was like, hey resign because Hillary is running for President, and we think folks want to see Claire in your role now, and he said, fuck you Frank Underwood is one of the greatest characters of our generation, and the illuminati said, fine Frank, I mean Kevin, and hung up the phone, and turned to their executive team, and said, hey look up any time someone has complained that Kevin has given them a massage in the last 35 years in Hollywood, and we overlooked it because he was in great movies like the Negotiator and KPAX, and use to be manageable before we let him win an oscar for American Beauty, and release that shit to E News when he is sleeping, so its at least 6 hours before he wakes up and has time to respond, and by then its too late, and then get him arrested on something suspicious to prove its been happening recently, so we have no choice but to release a statement that he has been fired from the show, but yes, it will still continue, with Claire. As President Underwood. Then have Robin Wright do an interview saying she never really met the man before. Just acted with him for 5 years straight. Never really knew him. Never had lunch together on set. And people are dumb so they won't think that not only is the show acting, but pretty much anything that gets approved to be on camera, live on a television set, that you get to see in your living room, is scripted and acted. Hey I need you to call talk about how Kevin Spacey gave you alcohol when you were 14 at the Star Wars premier tonight. Say he tried to kiss you 25 years ago. Yes I know its your first big role in a blockbuster film, but this is more important right now to Reed Hastings. Fuck, fine, what time do you need me there for makeup? Do I at least get to wear a Valentino suit. Yeah, and we actually are going to set up the 2019 version of money laundering using a Go Fund Me account, which only takes out 7.5% transaction fees, and no gift tax is required to the IRS, and you can donate anonymously, so expect around $500 or $600 thousand in there by the time the news cycle is up, but don't spend it because Trump has great lawyers, actually and you will most likely have to pay all his legal fees using this money, even though we promised it to you. Everyone who donated to Stormy Daniels to revenge Trump actually ended up just paying his legal bills. We hope you didn't buy a Ferrari. This isn't Dumber and Dumber where you can just color one onto a napkin with a crayon and write $250,000 on there. You might want to hold onto that one. Just remember folks. How many times has Matt Damon been at a club, and sees someone try to steal a women's purse? and accidently thinks he is Jason Bourne Identity and tries to stop him. And the guy just punches him in the face. And Ben Affleck runs away from Kevin Smiths friendship with a huge snake tattoo on his back. And Matt is laying there on the dance floor high on Studio 54 punch they use to give you at the entrance in the 80's. Yeah, umm 2 please. Me and my date Pam. That will be $100 dollars. Here is your cup of extacy fruit punch. Here is your cup ma'am. Have a great time. But not so much that you go home with Freddie Mercury. Trump said he doesn't drink alcohol or do any drugs. So he would just be in Studio 54 because it was kind of the socialite thing to do. To be around the celebrities and deal makers in town. and He would look at them drinking and acting a fool, and think to himself, him being sober, how easy it was going to be to savage these mother fuckers. Here's another drink buddy. While you are sleeping in tomorrow with Kevin Spacey's arrest warrant, I will be up on the phone at 4am reviewing the black book of secrets I jotted down from things I saw you do last night, and ensuring folks do deals with me using this as leverage. Because I am the NFL of fucking deal making. And you are the fucking Etsy Shop of deal making. I need the wall built John, or I will have digital soldiers release the art work of your brother Tony Podestas house all over 4chan. I spent over 80 hours quilting this blanket. Here it is for $80 dollars with 2.9% payment processing taken out. Making me just over $8 dollars after supplies from Micheals, and labor for all my hard work. Thanks Algorythm for selling it for me, and not causing me to have to go flea markets, and sit in the sun, with a radio on a pop station, having to shake peoples hands and sell to them in person. Actually no seriously, thank you. That sounds horrible. Hey, do you have any aarowheads? Yes, Yes I do. Right here. .50 cents/piece. Man that is so cool. I wonder if an indian ever shot someone with this before. That moment that you realize the IPhone is just a giant app that has apps in it. How the fuck did the guys at Kodak not anticipate that cameras would evolve? Someone raises their hands in the meeting. Sir, I think cameras might be on phones soon. Oh yeah, well go fucking invent a phone with a camera then. And bring it to the next fucking meeting. Puts his hand down. People all over Linked In sharing Memes of Steve Jobs. We hire people to tell us what to do, not us tell them. Old Steve Jobs did was take acid, and listen to Bob Dylan songs. There wasn't shit to do because there wasn't fucking IPhones around for you to fucking tweet all day. Instead of inventing new shit, or using magnifying glasses to burn holes into leaves using the sun. Kids are just on their IPADS. Youtube Kids is the new pacifier. The apple from Adam and Eve was actually an IPhone. Tim Cook should call Uber up and say- listen bro. Listen here Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and whoever the fuck else on his fucking app store. You make even 1 god damn penny. And I want 50% or I will deactivate your shit like a light switch of our platform. Ill turn your ass into the record industry. Ask Metallica about Napster. What would they say? Actually one time Travis Kalanick during his phrase where Ariana Huffington told him he shouldn't call an office in the building the War Room. In here motherfuckers. You best be toe steppin. An actual core value of his. We fucking code to the death. Like that movie Death Race with Jason Statham. Man your keyboards inmates. Blows whistle. Everyone fucking. Ready. On your marks. Greg, Lewis. Right fucking now. Code Nate Burlesons shitty animation podcast. Go. Clicks stopwatch. MSDOS/Nate B= Garbage= Peter King things he thinks he thinks/canceled Kyle Brandt show*NFLNetworkpregameshowonlyhiresworkplacedeviants?=+Boomer Eaison telling Bill Cowher by the coffee in the breakroom, /=>why the fuck is Nate B hosting with us? He wasn't even a good punt returner=END. Clicks stopwatch. Greg, Lewis wins, you're fired. Get the fuck out of this war room. Plus I just canceled your uber driver account so you can't just easily transition into unemployment making $1300 week. Go find a job valet parking at a fucking hotel on the 2nd shift. Don't fucking stare at me like you're Sean McVay and with each loss finding out why Cincinnati fired Zac Taylor? I had one fucking rule. Memory. And he couldn't even remember the width of the hashes. Or the ending of Halloween 1. Or what Jamie Lee Curtis was crying about near the stairwell. Which was obviously just being choked by Micheal and Scared before Dr. Loomis shot him 6x off the balcony, only to find out he is not just mentally retarded in a William Shatner mask, but also has super human strength like that guy in the movie coming out Glass. The democrats told me everyone was created equal. Well we are not Travis. I am the CEO of fucking apple, and give me 50%, and stop fucking acting like an asshole using your own app and yelling at your own drivers, or I will shut your fucking whole company down, that people are going to buy stuck in once it IPOS not understanding this could happen, and will someday, and that Trump isn't ruining the financial markets, its people giving other people $2B evaluations for a workplace chat like Slack, and then finding out snapchat filled out their IPO challenges form wrong, missing the part about paying Drake to perform at their annual Christmas party, but no one is getting fucking raises or Christmas bonuses around here. And Facebook isn't a threat. And I want a filter where its the body of Stone Cold Steve Austin, but my face is in the beer can he is holding up to the crowd by fucking tomorrow. Or I am closing all the god damn Ron Jon Surf Shop offices I rented at Venice Beach, and moving everyone into a conveniently priced and consolidated office building with a vertical management system that John Sculley tried to implement at Apple before Steve Jobs got mad he had to wear shoes to work, and shower consistently, and was eventually kicked out, only for Travis Kalanick to accidently invent Uber Eats too, and probably come back 10 years later, with Uber being the largest company ever built on accident. In the history of the world. Zac, why the fuck did Goff just hand it off to Gurley? We do fake speed sweep reverse hand off fake, either throw the dig or check it out wide back to the speed sweep throwing offense here. guys just blitz them, each one of their hamilton scenes plays takes 8 seconds of song and dance to get off. Handing off to Gurley just makes everyone think Mark Richt was going to run a different offense than the one he had at Georgia. At Miami. Okay. We had the perfect opportunity to hire Kliff Kingsbury, or really anyone, Urban Meyer, anyone we want because we are Miami, and so I am going to release a statement as Athletic Director that Mark Richt will fire Manny Diaz on twitter, and also has to wake up every day for the next 2 weeks, and run up and down the stairwell at the College Inn Apartments, like they use to make Harrison do for insubordination. Throw to the fullback H. No. Why? Because I am not going to grow up to be Mark Richt. And have to spend every fucking Christmas on a fishing trip with Brad Johnson asking me if I want to shoot hoops because now that he is older there is nothing for quarterbacks to do except try to play pickup basketball games with Tony Romo at the YMCA even though its not safe on the knees and joints, but keeps your heart healthy and active. Yeah but my grandpa told me that I should never watch a basketball game until the last four minutes. Zac no. God Dammit. We do not run the four minute offense here the entire game. Coach, relax, I killed Sam Keller, and I know how to get rid of Goff when his contract comes up for renewal too. Don't worry we won't have to pay him $80 million dollars when we would get the same result from starting that kid from Oregon State who backs him up. Very good. Very good Zac. Now whats his name? or You're fired. Fuck. Um, Dan Fouts. That is the chargers Zac. We are the Latin Kings of LA. Not them. Yeah but he wears a backup quarterback number like 14 and Sam Darnold. McVay is clicking around on his computer. On YouTube. Holy shit. What a throw? I need this fucking guy. Who..? Zac comes behind his desk. Who the fuck is this guy, Zac? Oh shit, that is Harrison. Harrison who? He was Nebraska with me for a season. Yeah he is way better than me at everything, including coaching and having hotter wives. That is good Zac. Very good. I am proud of you. You finally remember who you are. Now get the fuck out of my office. I have a call with Tom Shaw at 2pm. Gruden is going out of his fucking mind because no one told him the raiders were moving to London, and he is firing everything in sight. Telling everyone its personal. Part of me wishes we were moving to London so I could do the same. Looks at Zac. Zac leaves the office. Hits button under his desk. Locks the door so John Dorsey can't walk into Hugh Jacksons office anytime he wants on Hard Knocks, and hug to apologize. Sorry about your mom, and for hiring Todd Hayley. McVay types in www.bang... -- the computer finishes it. bros.com. Wow. This computer has got a great fucking memory.