Quarterback LessonS

The Internets First Ever Starting Quarterback 

WANTED FOR deaths of Elite 11 QB Careers:

1. Davis Webb

2. Micheal Brewer

3. Baker Mayfield 

WANTED for Deaths of Elite 11 QB Careers:

1. Josh Allen

2. Kyler Murray 

3. Nick Sarkel

4. Khalil Tate

Success Rates FOR ELITE 11 QUARTERBACKS WHO MAKE IT 1 YEAR IN NFL by Elite 11 Class & Year

2005 =4/11

2006 = 2/11

2007 = 5/11

2008 = 3/11

2009 = 1/11

2010 = 2/11

2011 = 1/11

2012 = 2/11

2013 = 2/11

2014 = 2/11


**dear god


1. Gunner Kiel

2. Ryan Perilloux 

3. Harrison Beck

4. Max Browne

5. Tuiasoppo 

6. Ben Olsen

​7. Austin Appleby

8. Tanner Mangum 

​9. Jake Heaps

10. Blake Bell

11. Stephen Garcia

12. John Brantley

13. Jalen Hurts 

14. Shane Buchele

​QB Lessons in McKinney in Dallas will teach you about the coaches who kill the most elite 11 quarterbacks in history. Trust the Quarterback Coach in McKinney. I need you to listen to the Quarterback Lesson in McKinney. Did you know that the following actors do not have Oscars? Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Jonquin Pheonix, Robert Downey Jr, Sigourney Weaver. None of them have Oscars. Think about all the directors, all the films, all the late night shows, all the times that you have seen them on twitter expressing their hate for Donald Trump. No Oscars.  Actually the Donald Trump tweets are more for like Melrose Place or 90210 D List actors trying to stay culturally relevant as craigslist's crowd and crisis false flag actors. Everyone tweet about child detention centers starting tomorrow at 12 noon until 6 pm. 15 tweets a minute. I love the movie the Fugitive. Harrison Ford. How the fuck do they have no Oscars? Just last year Leonardo DiCaprio won his first Oscar. And it wasn't even for playing Jordan Belfort in Wolf of Wall Street. Did you know that Jonah Hill took that role for $60K flat? He said that being in the movie was worth more than the money. Getting to be mentored by Leo and Martin Scorcese. Didn't care about the money. He doesn't have an Oscar either. Don't clean your fish tank on New Issue day. His recent Netflix series was pretty awesome- Maniac. The internet is interesting because for a site like Rivals you just get the same high school football highlights. You're nothing as a person if you don't get ranked by Mike Farrell of rivals while he is eating a slice of pizza at Newark Airport. Greasy ass fingers sliding across the screen of his android to tweet about your high school prom. Rivals helped start that new Chinese social rating credit system where you can't get internet if you post means things on Facebook. Look it up. Dead serious. No traveling for you if your co-worker rates you and says you ate their empanadas on accident form the employee break room fridge. I paid $12 dollars for some empanadas one time from this lady at work, and was all excited. I got chicken, and they fucking sucked. I need that 5 star empanada Mike. There is no like rivals for college prospects for the NFL. Like I just looked at Jonah Hill and his Wikipedia, and all the google pictures, and you tube videos were updated to his latest work and role in Maniac. The internet loses track of these kids. Hollywood updates you IMDB ratings and films. Rivals leaves you back in 2005. Now it seems they even take your ranking. I wonder if someone was like man I don't want them to look back at how fucking wrong we were. Mark Sanchez #1 at losing his money to nutrition & health tracking apps.  Hey where did Gunner Kiel end up? You know the greatest QB in the history of the state of Indiana. The history of the fucking state. Not this year or last. In all 200+ years that its been a state of people. In history he was the best. Indiana is like Scotland. Just white people with red hair. He commits to LSU, then doesn't want to go, goes to Notre Dame, Brian Kelly is a moron who only plays shitty hack half rate dual threat quarterbacks who are really 1 threat to fucking lose any game at any time because they can't throw anything but miscellaneous scramble, nevermind someone is open post routes. When is the last time you saw a Notre Dame quarterback drop back 5 steps and throw a squire route. Brady Quinn? No one drinks more protein shakes than Brady Quinn. I bet at Thanksgiving him and AJ Hawk wrestle in the front yard. Or their parents still tie up a piñata and they blind fold each other and whack at it, and each other off.  Anyways Gunner Kiel leaves Notre Dame. I would too if I had to be in a quarterback room with garbage like Everette Gholston, and Brandon Wimbush, and whoever the hell else was there. Guys lets watch film, puts on the new Gucci Zone 6 Atlanta mixtape. Check out these 808's and purple grapes. Just through Osmosis like a fever or the flu I would catch shitty quarterback disease. Like being at NC State. I am stuck in a room with some of the worst quarterback species ever found in nature. Daniel Evans signed his scholarship at a local gas station on accident after another quarterback decommitted. Last minute they called him and signed him at the gas station. Dead serious. Just getting sicker and sicker by the day from the dreadful terrible quarterback room influenza. Its why Elon Musk says he doesn't go on vacation. The one time he did he got Malayria and was sick the entire time. So Gunner Kiel leaves and goes to Cincinnati. The bearcats. I love them. I loved Gino Guduli. You remember that kid. Number 8. Threw bombs back in the day. So Gunner goes to Cincinatti and he starts and is masterful. 4 TD's verse Ohio State. 6 TD games, 31 TD's and 13 pics his first year. Finally gets to be the 5 star ESPN Rivals MVP of the Elite QB he was always supposed to be. Big tall kid, huge arm and mullet. This kid is the #1 pick in the NFL draft guaranteed. You could see the way he threw the ball and stood in the pocket. Imagine going to USC and you're Jack Sears or whoever else. Matt Cassel didn't start 1 game, or hardly play at USC going on a 13 year NFL career. How many Matt's go to USC? Leinhart, Cassel, Barkley, jesus. So then all the sudden Cincinnati  brings in Zac Taylor. Who I keep hearing is in the running for a Brown's job yet he is one of the worst football coaches in the history of mankind. He is gonna hire Joe Ganz. Who Pelini was let calling the plays for Nebraska- BTW. Taylor Martinez wants his career back. He would tell you but he's not great at communicating effectively. That run at Wisconsin was insane. No NFL- How? I added him on Linked In one time and he was making a fucking social app about positivity. Dear god. Zac is a hell of a coach man. Real Quarterback GURU. Ryan Tannehill- pure garbage. Tannehill comes with more instructions than a fucking IKEA table. Ryan, you play for the Dan Marino dolphins. Please just drop back and find Mark Duper. Throw the ball forward. We need more than 112 yards a game kid. Seriously. Please. But coach Taylor said to take completions. His brother Press makes Philly Cheese Steak sandwiches perfectly at home in his apartment for Carson Wentz on the weekend. Foles always says he is busy singing We can move the mountains at church. Never comes. Gunner Kiel.  Zac single handedly killed Gunner Kiel. He went from 31 tds to 6 tds under Zac. How is that even possible? Reduced his career by 24 touchdown passes. Gunner Kiel regressed so far under Zac they he left the team and the university. Developed an IB Profen problem. Goff sure is having a hell of a December. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Playing like a real Jergoff. What will Santa Bring me for Christmas? 2 Elite 11 5 star quarterbacks in the same recruiting class. The quarterbacks are back in their home towns. Telling their friends and family. I am not worried I am better than Josh. No I am better than Kyler. Cause competition is great man. Fuck competition. Competition is fools gold. Its a young mans game. You end up spending some much time competing with someone else that you forgot to make yourself better. Read Peter Thiel 0 to 1. Instead of working out, you are checking your backups Instagram for subtweets. You can't innovate because snap chat releases stories and you have to release stories or get left behind. Now you are just two tech companies with a stories feature sharing half and half the fan base. Millenials like me, and Gen Z likes you. Nanny nanny boo boo. You know how Snap chat started by the way. The founder Evan Spiegel. He waned to be able to delete messages from the night before to remember but still have privacy. Anyways his roommate built this app. He put it on his sisters phone who was still in high school. Then told her to tell all her friends to download it. So she goes to school and gets it done. 500 downloads. Then about a week later 5,000, and next thing you know it spreads like a virus to a million something in a year or so. Maybe backup quarterbacks should film themselves throwing, and run a political campaign that the main stream media coach can't control. QB's get 30K twitter followers now. Film yourself throwing and proclaim yourself the starter. Start an online campaign to be the starter, and create a quarterback controversy. Pressure the coach to start you. That is a serious thought actually. I wonder if that happens. Saban would freak the fuck out, but how could he get rid of you without looking insane. You just want to play, and found a creative way to become Steve Young. Fuck everyone online wants Harrison now.  If you get a chance go read the emails Evan Spiegal or Zuckerberg use to send to their teams before they were famous trying to make their companies happen. Hilarious, but great insight into how ruthless they are. And you have to be ruthless to make it happen. All backup quarterbacks start an Instagram Super Pac now. Throw a coup.  Who was that shitty quarterback for the Texas Tech Raiders. #7. Davis Webb. He said -- hey Baker go get the footballs. Baker was a True Freshman. Baker said, I don't know who the fuck you are talking to but I am not going to get your footballs. The strength coach said damn Davis you are going to let him talk to you like that. Baker came to play baby. Davis is like yeah so did I. Micheal Brewer is like me too- oh nm my back. I am going to Virginia Tech. So at Texas A & M - Kyler Murray plays and dominates verse South Carolina rushing and passing. Then Sumlin remembers he promised Josh Allen's parents he would start. So Josh Allen starts and plays decent. Kyler is mad. Huge mess. So between Texas A & M, Texas Tech you see Josh Allen go to Houston, Kyler Murray to Oklahoma, Baker Mayfield to Oklahoma, Davis Webb to CAL. Texas A & M cans Sumerlin because he is left playing a loser walk- on quarterback Hubebank. USC hires lame duck broke dick Kingsbury who eventual ran out of quarterback bullets. He had Stevie Wonder at quarterback last game I saw this year. Let that sink in. How terrible that is? Oklahoma just had 2 back-to-back Heisman trophy quarterbacks who both transferred into their school. Transferring is bad. Scott Frost won the National Championship at Nebraska after leaving Stanford. I transferred into a dumpster fire. Fuck man. I would be pro if I didn't go to the awful wolfpack.  Who knows what Jacob Eason is going to do at Washington next year? I bet there coach is like thank fucking god a quarterback who can throw a pass 50 yards? Washington's current QB Jake Browning is West Coast Kenny Dorsey. Same shitty methodical throwing motion. But decent winner. That kid threw 200 touchdowns in High School. Can't throw 20 tds a season in college. Why? Who is asking why? How does that fucking happen? No competition, no better play, none of that is the reason. Because its all the same kids who grew up with him in the state of Washington playing in the Pac 10. They didn't important some symbiotes from the movie Venom to take over their bodies and perform so well Jake Browning forgot to know how to play quarterback. Jacob Eason at Washington. This kid was a true freshman quarterback at the University of Georgia. Playing well for a True Freshman. Famous dad. Big huge monster arm. Tall kid. 5 Star Elite 11 MVP goes to Georgia. Best QB since Matt Stafford. Makes it one game into his sophomore year, and hurts himself. Loses his job to Jake Fromm. Has to leave the University. You could feel it in summer camp. Coach Kirby Smart was like wow I sure am impressed with this Fromm Kid. Eason is like god dammit- can I just fucking relax and play? and go the fucking NFL. Do I have to always worry about my best friend fucking my girl behind my back. She didn't answer her texts last night, and said she was at her friends Ashley. WTF coach. So then Fromm plays. Leads his team to the National Title. Loses the National Title admirably. The next season they sign Josh Fields. Pre-season. Man Josh Fields sure is special. Fields plays during the regular season past the 4 game rule. Fromm's dad probably marched into Georgia's offices, grabbed Kirby Smart by the fucking collar, and jacked him up against the wall. You better  watch your fucking back coach. Elbow under his chin . Kirby choking. Fromm runs in and says Dad, Dad calm down. His dad drops Kirby Smart, picks the stapler off his desk, and throws it at Kirby on  the ground and walks out of the office. Fromm has been playing a lot more recently. Now on Instagram folks are like is Fields going to leave? To Transfer somewhere else. What the fuck is going on? Why are so many Elite 11 quarterbacks dying, their careers ruined forever. You know they are all out on the streets now too. Type in your favorite Elite 11 5 Star QB on Linked In. They are fucking selling medical software, and have shitty quarterback camps. Stephen Garcia has a T-Shirt shop. All of them sitting at home. Huge monster rocket arms. All of them. Not as strong as mine. But good arms. All at fucking home sitting in their apartment complexes and personal trainers for Life Time Fitness. Banished from football forever. Like Marvel Comics super hero characters walking the streets of your cities. Super powers in their bodies. Having to go work at fucking Fidelity with the guy who watches fucking Seinfeld on his phone and single handedly keeps Jersey Mikes in business on his lunch break? You think Dilfer, Brian Stumpf or any of the Elite 11 fucks are reaching out to help these kids. Hell no. They don't give a shit. Its sad too because you see them hyping up these new Elite 11 quarterbacks on twitter, Instagram. Who are eating it up too. No clue that in the next 5 years they will probably get to college, and find out with college recruiting, every year every team gets the #1 pick in the draft. Its not the NFL where you draft Sam Darnold and wait 5 years to give him a chance to become the franchise quarterback. Look at the kid at Ohio State. Tate Martell. Read his twitter. Urban turned him into a fembot. He went from the winningest quarterback in Las Vegas history to tweeting his support for Dwayne Haskins, a backup who blows his eligibility on 3-5 run plays a season. He could be at like Utah right now, or UNLV blowing out every single record in the history of their program. Go to the Elite 11 website, and look at all the famous quarterbacks part of their alumni. Then tally up all the kids right there next to them who aren't famous. 90% failure rate. Name 1 product on earth that survives a 90% failure rate. My iPhone only turns on 90% of the time. Tim Cook coded my DNA to make my battery drain at your school. For all those grandmas out there hoping Chris Leak makes it pro. Better start praying Tebow doesn't show up. For all those Uncles who cheers their coors light their nephew Chad Kelly made it to Clemson better pray that Deshaun Watson doesn't show up the next season. You wonder why that kid went fucking coo coo bird. Kid can throw an 80 yard spiral and has to campaign harder than Donald Trump to get a fucking sniff at beating out loser Case Keenum. Coach just look at my fucking throw, and look at his fucking throw. Stop. When you aren't the starting quarterback there is no quarterback. You sit back and don't give a shit about the game. Its either you or nothing. End of discussion. Jimmy Grappalo doesn't even know the record of the 49ers right now that is how much he doesn't give a fuck not playing. Quarterbacks are like horses. You got to let them out of the barn to run to that break in the fence, so they can escape up in the smoky mountains and be free to roam. A white bronco in the Las Vegas dessert searching for their Curley from City Slickers. A horse whisper who can pet their mane. Not lasso them. Pet their mane, and tell them its okay baby I got you. Look into the horses eyes, and the horse trusts him. Some coaches treat quarterbacks like catching a cat who escapes the front door of the house and is under your Mercedes. Nice and slow. The cat is in the middle. You say something like Treats! and hold your hand out. Its a scholarship in his coaches hand. You sniff it and he grabs your neck and throws you into the living room. Fucking piece of shit cat. Try to escape again. You claw his hand as he releases you. He needs a band aid. Harrison thanks for being at NC State. O'Brien shakes my hand. I smile and think- thanks for robbing my family of $20M dollars and stealing my entire future on your shitty coaching and play calling. Fucking late for work at my future middle income wage level job. Then I meet Terry Bowden. The coach is calm. He says come here widdle cute kittey. My handsome horsey. Horsey says go ahead you can ride me to the promise land. Lifts my ear up and says run. I don't want to run. I feel safe. I won't buck for you coach. The coach gets on top, and rides the horse into the stadium. The fans clap and cheer. That is a beautiful horse. Might win the triple crown. Fuck I have been tricked again. Hopefully it doesn't crack its hoof, and I have to put this mother fucker down. Milk it for $100K horse DNA to sell to folks who want to produce race horses with huge hearts. A race horse needs a huge heart to pump that blood faster, so they can run faster and in shape. Not sit on their fucking couch watching Netflix checking twitter updates, boring themselves to fucking death. Boredom is a hell of a drug. I am surprised no one from the NFL signed you  Harrison. Dolphins said coaches told them I was crazy. No I am Neve Cambell from Scream trying to escape the Elite 11 QB killer.

WANTED for deaths of Elite 11 QB careers:

1. Chad Kelly

2. Kelly Bryant

​3. Chase Brice

​4. Hunter Something

WANTED FOR Deaths of Elite 11 QB Careers:

1. Jacob Eason 

2. Fanta Bauta 

3. Jake Fromm

4. Justin Fields

WANTED for deaths of Elite 11 QB Careers:

1. Gunner Kiel

​2. Jerrod Johnson

3. Ryan Tannehill 

4. Jared Goff