QB Lessons in McKinney in Dallas will teach you about whatever. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lesson in McKinney in Dallas. You work for Kale Varsity writing a subscription magazine in print that no one orders because the only things that I read are something that I type into Google. You basically work for grandma's AVON subscription. You sell Mary Kay for a living. Your radio spots are trunk shows in the housewives of Dallas's kitchen. Except for you forgot to bring David Yurman. Duh! The only jewelry rich white women wear. Great salesman. You sell facial cream for a living. Please re-order. Please re-order. Martha isn't answering her phone. Fuck. Call forwarded after only one ring. What about the NFL? What is the peak for Kale Varsity magazine -- what is the NFL for being a sports writer. Are you going to write for the New York times or the Wall Street Journal, or just live the rest of your life vicariously cheerleading through rivals recruits tumblr feeds. Is there a rivals for writers? Like mom I am great at writing. That is great lets get you to writing summer camp. You will attend five Shakespeare camps a summer until you get recruited to Hail Varsity magazine as a intern, and you get sideline passes to talk to shitty walk on players about their families driving in from Omaha every Saturday to watch your historic hire of a head coach go 4-7. Scott Loss. BTW Josh Huepel the winner of the 13-2 National Title verse Chris Weinke went 12-0 with your team. Either you are a great coach who left behind a great team, or basically you realize that UCF is in the middle of Florida near Apopka High School and gets the same fucking players FSU, Florida and Miami get and no one needs your shitty snapchat rip-off Instagram stories version of Chip Kelly's offense. We had over 600 yards in our last 6 losses. Twitter has over $350M users, and can't turn a profit. Jack doesn't give a shit because he has square and cash app. Lets tweet a picture of the entire husker coaching staff going to visit a 4 star D-End? I would quit before I got talked into driving down to that high school and doing that picture. You think anyone can just barge into Saban's office, and say hey lets take a road trip down to Mobile for a 4 star photo op in his living room. Saban would look up at you and say nothing. You would just leave his office and wonder for the rest of the afternoon if you were fired. Text your wife you might get fired a week before Christmas. Man I should just be like every other employee, and just walk back and forth to the copy machine. Working at Hail Varsity. You probably make a poor man's $70K, around $2300 a paycheck, live at home with a cat, and go on shitty keto diets you track with an app on your phone. HA! Man, your floating and fleeting ideas soaring through the clouds of your innovative and daring imagination with hard hitting questions like who do you take - Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady? Your thoughts are the Sammy Sosa of thoughts. You have the Mark McGuire of thoughts. Home run after Home Run. You set the MLB record for thoughts. Today I am going to write about the impact of bagels on clarity. A great breakfast really sets my day off in the right direction. The best time to eat breakfast is in the morning because then I burn those calories by the afternoon. Its a great way to stay in shape. Cream Cheese is actually good for you at the right time of the day. Issue #337. You know Kylie Jenner is a Billionaire. The NFL. Like when I am waiting for my food at a rich man's restaurant like Del Friscos Double Eagle, and the waitress asks me if I want more water. I just stare at her and wonder the fuck she has to interrupt me to fill my glass with water. If the water is low then fill it the fuck up. Also go get me a vodka cranberry and a bud light. Because I like to order two cocktails at a time so I don't have to wait for your brain to work before I get to take another sip of grandpa's old cough medicine. You want another cocktail. At this point I am about to leave the restaurant. Go tap on your computer screen my order, check your iPhone Instagram in the kitchen, and watch me enjoy myself while you work. Its not my fault your internship at Hail Varsity doesn't pay a salary until year 2 and you have to bartend. Like a ringtone during a governance huddle. So guys lets talk about how we are going to file the 1065 K1, and fucking pour some sugar on me starts playing from your iPhone 5. 10 seconds of my god damn meeting taken by your ringtone. I lean over to my assistant and whisper into her ear something you will find out later. Hey umm Brittany. I know its Friday and you are on your way to a candy cane party. But we have to let you go. No one fucking interrupts Harrison during a meeting. I hope you clearly understand. Hey here is $10K go ahead and accumulate like 20,000 twitter followers so that way when a new issue comes out you can tweet about it for us. Also post some pictures of the funny things that your dog does so people can be like man Kale Varsity has more friends than Southwest Airlines. The friendliest of friendly organizations. Everyone at Southwest airlines is smiling, and the colors are crazy like blue and yellow. And we never cancel our flights like American Airlines in a regional airport like Syracuse just because only 30 people want to go to home today. Home is where the heart is. But we have no heart. Heart Varsity. Not enough money for this flight man. Not enough margin. Hey I hate butter so I use Olive Oil. Why does your chicken breast taste like shit? Oh yeah because there is no fat. Just oil. Cook it in water man, with a side of broccoli. Boiled white chicken breast. But hey man you have great shaved legs and calve muscles. I can see your veins just above your highlighter yellow Nikes you paid $150 for at Dicks Sporting Goods. Mom I need new shoes. Please. Okay son. Here is my debit card. I get fucking black Nike shoes for $56 dollars. The same fucking color black and a white nike check, every time. I don't give a shit about shoes, or clothes. Dan Blizerian tweeted the other day that if a guy is trying to impress you with clothes they don't have any fucking money. I wear basketball shorts black nike shoes, and a flimsical fucking no nothing t-shirt. Its called outfit pairing. Most major executives wear the same thing every day to avoid another decision. Hence Zuckerberg's Grey T Shirt and Jeans. Larry Kudlow says to put on a nice white shirt and tie like you run a major Fortune 5 company. Super comfortable my BBALL shorts. Ill dunk on your ass. Southwest airlines is like man we will never let you down like Hail Varsity lets down every single one of their subscribers. Just spread out on the plane so the weight is evenly distributed. And you can check two bags. I have an empty middle seat before some lady comes and sits there. I am smooshed against the god damn plastic window of the plane. You couldn't have picked another other fucking seat. You needed this one. I try to sleep with my head on the tray. I try to sleep into the wall. I take my COACH hat off because its giving me a fucking headache. I am still confused if hats cause folks to lose their hair, or if it protects their hair from the sunlight. I have a great head of hair. Really thick and strong. Speaking of thick and strong. My forearms are huge. Why I can throw so hard? You want to know what the fuck I will teach folks who engage QB Lessons? How to get strong forearms. You ever wonder why your silly weak dad can pull a dryer out to replace the heating hose? Hint its because he has huge dad forearms. From years of using his hands to fix cars and shit. My forearms are so huge they could be sponsored by Brazzers.com. Folks this is what happens in life okay. Listen to me very clearly. Humans are pack animals. Democrats hunt in packs. We are gonna subpoena the president for his inaugural finances. Fart Noise. Who gives a shit did you just read his tweet? Hilarious. He banged a porn star. Horse Face. The president fucks pornstars too. Hell yeah, the frat at SMU smashes beer cans on their forehead. Lets go to Tight Ends guys. Not their Instagram profile. Have you seen the last 4 Presidents wives compared to Melania. That tells me everything that I need to know about Trump. Savage. Actually olks in middle America think the President is taking down a global cabal of Satanists and adrenachrome traffickers. Check out Rivals Huskers message boards. They post there all the time. Dead serious. They are watching videos on Instagram of Barbara Bush showing Jeb Bush an envelope that obviously trump sent him, which upset him. Man its my dad's funeral. Right? He sure looks mad to me. They say as they watch the video and share it with their friend in another state. You see this shit bro. No one cares about healthcare for all, or whatever. No one cares about DACA or Cohen, or whatever the fuck operation mockingbird Netflix analytics. Steve Jobs use to say that there is no conspiracy on the American people. He suggested that TV shows are the shows we show you because you want them, and you will pay for them. Essentially we give you what you want. Because you buy it. If you want to buy something else. We would give you that. We are not force feeding you any content. Now people make their own content, and its all conspiracy videos. No one finds that shit crazy? Netflix is a data aggregator that is accumulating your viewing history so they can correlate new movies that you want to watch. Adam Sandler has more Netflix views on his movies. More than anyone in history. You think they are going to release a fucking Meryl Streep moving on Netflix. No another Adam Sandler movie. The people want Adam Sandler. Have you heard of industrial kitchens? Folks from Uber eats are tracking and recording so much data that says this part of the city loves ordering cheeseburgers. So these folks rent industrial kitchens that make only cheeseburgers. Then sign up for the Uber Eats app, to get their cheeseburgers delivered. They make a killing. Thanks internet for knowing me so well. Can I have my data back? I didn't hire you to sell it for me on the black market. But the internet is free man. You get to use it for free. What does the internet do if I just love myself? Will I just start seeing Harrison Beck shit everyone online, on youtube, on Netflix. They make a Harrison Beck documentary and don't even include me. Look up Bubble Filters Ted Talks on YouTube. The new way people learn, not college or Hail Varsity. The documentary is called Harrison Beck is a fucking star who would never work for Kale Varsity because he is not a fucking no name loser with no talent, and weak nobody cares personality that waits in lines at redlights while Harrison just drives to very front of the next lane, and cuts over and makes the light, while you text your friends you are fucking late again. But Humans work in packs man,-- they gather together. When they are scared and nervous. They transfer energy like when you use to download songs on bit torrent, and then transfer them to your iTunes account. Man I just got the new Gucci Mane mixtape for my workout. 808's man. Chad Kelly posted a video of him throwing an 18 comeback. No swag Kelly. Just a shitty five step drop and timing throw. Got 37 thousand views on twitter. My videos are way better. For being so crazy in real life you would think that he would have tried harder to be crazy. Use it to his advantage. Maybe I am trying too hard. I reach out to do these shitty interviews with no name regional Uber offices. Hey man my app isn't working can you help. The lady gets up from her chair at the Uber office pissed off because who the fuck drives into an Uber office to ask for help. She was ordering Christmas presents on Amazon.com and Tesfai needs help registering for this app. Click the button that says Facebook. And all your information will just naturally integrate into the forms. Because its not really a social system, just re-branded surveillance. Yeah sure you got the job. We are just going to run a social report on you. WTF my background is clean. Yeah but no one cares about felonies anymore. We need to see your tweets. If it checks out then you are good to go. Okay you like Rachel Maddow you're hired. You can start Monday. Kyler Murray is like wtf I was 14 man. Yeah go to fucking google and type in delete my tweets. Click the first entry and login, and mass delete your tweets. I don't know what is so hard about figuring this out. Do it every month. Twitter is something you say after your 3rd beer at a party. You are sitting there watching a backup basketball player play the acoustic guitar and rap. He says something likeable, and you tell your friend man he is really good. That is twitter. Twitter makes me feel like I left my credit card at the club. Twitter makes you spiral like Snookie and Deena. Do people even mean the things they say are on twitter, or are they just looking for likes and retweets. And then is the AI getting confused believing that this is human behavior, and there growing a social consciousness that looks for likes and retweets, and not the social consciousness that takes your family to cracker barrel after church. That is why robots won't succeed. Because one day the internet will be shut off. And the humans will still know how to make fire, hunt and kill animals, get food & water. The fourth world war will be fought with sticks and stones right Einstein. The robots will only know how to post memes, and make dance videos. The only skills they acquired from what they thought humans actually do every day. None of these robots able to write for Kale Varsity. A robot goes to take over the world with food & dinner subscription boxes. Yummy is that Basil in this recipe. Instead of shooting a gun at you, they Lou Kang a tweet fireball at you. You are like Albert - sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. That's 25 years of Thanksgiving Dinner with the family talking. BREAKING NEWS: Robots trying to kill people with Memes and Tweets all over the globe. I thought the rocky mountains would be a little more rocky than this. That John Denver is full of shit. Maybe we are all just tweeting to proactively defeat the AI takeover of humans Mark Cuban blogs about on Linked In. A couple of Big Gulps eh!. Well see you later. So tell me about if you could play in the NFL. Babe, get on Southwest Airlines A List and you can skip everyone in line at the airport to come fucking talk to me.