Quarterback LessonS

The Internets First Ever Starting Quarterback 

​QB Lessons in Mckinney in Dallas will teach you about the XFL. Listen to the quarterback coach in McKinney in Dallas. Trust your quarterback lessons in McKinney in Dallas. I am announcing my new role at the Commissioner, CEO and Starting Quarterback for the XFL Dallas in Mckinney, Texas. First thing I will be doing is canning Oliver Luck. Thank you for your service, but we need real leadership around here. Not a botched West Virginia Rich Rodriguez and Bill Stewart Transition, and an even worse job of getting QB Pat White drafted to the dolphins. In 2018 Pat White would be the starting quarterback for the Louisville Cardinals, and maybe even a Heisman Trophy Winner. After all he did start this spread option shotgun offense trend when he single handedly dismantled the Georgia Bulldogs in the Sugar Bowl ten years ago. Other factors considered are that your son Andrew Luck was a 4 star out of Houston with limited scholarship offers compared to Harrison Beck. In 9th grade Buddy Teevans offered Harrison a full scholarship to Stanford. Harrison declined because Stanford is a terrible football school. Then and now. Although he did like the way Randy Fisani played for them, and the panthers. It's a shame he never got a real shot. Anyways look- thank you for your service. We have pre-arranged an executive position for you at the NFL Play 60 Football camps as their executive coordinator of healthy snacks. You will be working with Michelle Obama to ensure that all kids are given a proper lunch. Although I will say that if you take those personal pan pizzas off of the lunch line one more time. I will have you removed from that position as well. But you can definitely use me as a reference. Lunch for me as a kid was spaghettios in a hot thermos, rice crispy treats, 3-4 gatorades, a monster packed turkey sub with sharp cheddar and mayonnaise, no vegetables,  and fruit snacks. I ate it all. I had a huge ice block in there to keep it cool. Minus the thermos. Big dumbass lunchbox. Barely fit in there. Had to squeeze the top down, to get it to zipper shut. That is why I was as powerful and strong as a teenager. Benching 350 pounds. Running a 4.6. Squatting 600 pounds. Throwing 75 yards. Because I pounded massive lunches. Huge jug of milk in there too. All I drink is milk, water, and Gatorade. That is why I am so strong. I hear kids say they don't like milk. Its only for animals. Humans are the only ones that drink milk past birth. Yeah they drink it to grow and get big and strong. And I never want to stop that process. So I chug 5-6 gallons a week easily. Great job drinking soda and soft drinks. End up with wooden teeth like George Washington. I would never. Ever. In my life drink that. I get milk at restaurants. I pay the $2.89 fee for a glass of milk at Cracker Barrell. Yes I will have a refill. When I stay at a Hampton Inn. The milk for the cereals. I pour into 3 or 4 cups and drink. I love milk. Usually I have a beard and it soaks the whiskers of my mustache. Stays there. I reach my tounge up, and get a little more. All player cafeterias for the XFL will be required to have a full milk bar. 2%, 1%, Vitamin D, Skim, Chocolate Milk, Whole Milk. Huge 20 oz plastic cups from Dicks BBQ to fill your milk up. Takes a whole quarter gallon out of the jug. Two of them is a whole half gallon of milk. Big strong, athletic players. Powerful forearms. Everyone is so focused on biceps, and abs. Its all about the forearms. and Calf muscles. The muscles closest to the wrists and ankles. They are the first line of defense in a juke, or cut. For powerful explosions. People will be engaging forearm exercises like they have never seen. Every player with have huge massive hands, and excellent grip. Able to palm a basketball. If not, you are cut. See I am a way better Talent Evaluator than Doug Whaley. That is why my second move as the new CEO of the XFL will be to can Doug Whaley. I don't need the reason Men's Warehouse stays in business to be my executive leadership. Polo and Ralph Lauren are for college running backs. Not the boss. Please go get a $5,000 dollar suit, and a Zegna Tie, and some nice shoes when you get to work at your next job as the VP of Sales for one of our sponsors for the Tampa Team. I got you a golden parachute. I terminated you on your way to the beach with your wife, but I did get you the job at the Executive Director of the Clearwater Beach Aquarium. Its the same place that the Dolphin that needed to be rehabilitated in that Harry Conic Jr. went. Not the dolphin from the Steve Guttenberg movie. Here you will make sure we help clean up the beaches and gulf waters of Tampa Bay, and finally put an end to endangering the manatee species. You should thank your lucky stars for this opportunity, and that I was so kind to you and your family. I will tell you this is that I even see one manatee when I am out on my $100,000 dollar 32 foot Panamera boat that has a scratch on his flipper, and doesn't look happy. I will personally hold you responsible and ensure that you are removed immediately from that role. I am deeply passionate about he marine life in Tampa Bay. My next move will be to install myself as the starting quarterback of the XFL Dallas franchise, or any franchise that I like to be honest with you. I might play for a different franchise each week. Since I am my own playbook, which is basically you snap me the ball, and the wide receivers run routes that I point to a location on the field where I want them and they go like Kyler Murray. Every single week of practice will be catered by Chicken Fil A sandwiches and that succulent dry tart lemonade that makes your lips pucker, squint, and your stomach hurt. You are pretty sure that as the lemonade lands on top of the sandwich it disintegrates the chicken and bun instantly into digestable calories. I want ghost hunting crews to film my practice so that way we can catch my supernatural abilities on film. When I am in the meeting penthouses, not rooms. I want slight jazz piano music like the kind you hear as you enter Bob's Steakhouse in Frisco. You look over and no one is playing the piano. Its preset to my favorite song. A self playing piano strutting subetly through smooth and calm relaxing morning music jazz. I want an IPAD on the wall with the Uber Eats App on it. In case my wide receivers get hungry, and I had to order Hooters Chicken Wings for them at the touch of a button. Also I want all meeting rooms to have cots in their with Egyptian thread count sheets and down comforters, and extra large multiple pillows. Also a throw blanket, and a small medium sized brown bear that is squishy. So that way my wide receivers can rest their legs, and take small cat naps in the dark film room. So that way they don't have to leave to go anywhere. They have food & drink, a place to live & sleep, and watch film. I want a RING installed on the meeting room of every conference room door. So that way I can see potential distractions approaching, and warn them to leave me the fuck alone while I watch film. Unless its my wife. Who is allowed to visit me any time she wants. The locker room better have soft carpet for my feet. And it better be vacuumed consistently. And tell whoever shampoos the carpets that I don't need it whicking up, and getting stuff. I want soft fluffy carpet for my feet. My locker better come with a 40 inch flat screen television that constantly is on a loop of my high school, college, and pro highlights. That I can watch. I don't want to see ESPN, or anything but myself performing. That is plenty & good enough. Plus my teammates should be constantly reminded of how great I am by sitting at their own lockers and watching as well. When I go out to practice I need to have an inflatable whistle. So that way I can blow the whistle when I see a wide receiver run a bad route, or a lineman misses a block. Or when someone tries to interrupt me with a question or concern. And the whistle being blown means to shut the fuck up and do what you're told. But it needs to be safe. Because I don't want someone to hit me, and the whistle is plastic and it hurts my collarbone or sternum. So it needs to be soft, but still whistle. If you can't find a whistle like that, call NASA and invent it. Or you're fucking fired. Any fan who comes to practice needs to pay me via pay pal transfer to family and friends. I have special rates. Its not an all-access pass to my talent. They can pay $25 for up to three throws, or a combination of 5 hand offs and 1 throw. Whichever comes first. But once the throws occur and are completed - I need these folks escorted back to a sales or ticket booth to either pay for more throws or to leave and go home. They can also transfer the money from an app on their phone, but needs to be scanned by a security guard to hold their seat. Practice will not continue until all payments are completed safe & secure. We will also offer a package of $100 for me to see no one open, and I throw the ball into the stands near them, potentially hitting them or knocking a beer out of their hands. If they want that to happen. Its a one time payment. The beer spills on your shirt, and then you are asked to leave unless you pay again. We will not provide you a new shirt, and you have to sign an NDA promising that if you sue then your home is collateral damage. Every game I will come out of the tunnel by myself with no team. They can all be standing on the sidelines waiting for my entrance. I will be holding the game ball, so the game cannot start until I come out for the game. Its all going to depend on the people in the locker room, the fans, and other considerations, how I am feeling on when and how I come out to participate. So please make sure that I feel great. Once I throw for 500 yards, and 6 touchdowns. And we win the game. There will be a lot of folks online, in the newspaper, and other mediums, TV that keep talking about how great of a player that I am. That is a lot of uses of my name. So I will need royalties like when they play songs on the radio. The same way you hear Micheal Jackson Thriller at Halloween, I will need .95 cents per time my name is written or said online or anywhere. Paid in full on a daily direct deposit into fidelity. Any player who is upset with me will be cut immediately by someone else, unless they buy me lunch and apologize to my face then I can fire them in person. Under my leadership I feel that the XFL will be a huge and massive success for me. When its all said and done everyone will appreciate what I have done with the place. I am the Ashley's furniture of executive leadership and quarterback play.